Week Six of Ordinary Time

 

Welcome to the Sixth week of Ordinary Time. 

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that spiritual rendition it warmed my heart as I shuffled to the pulpit.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 7 page 83 where the prophets say: 

Accountant	Lady Chairman, sir, shareholders, ladies and gentlemen. I have great pleasure in announcing that owing to a cutback on surplus expenditure of twelve million Canadian dollars, plus a refund of seven and a half million Deutschmarks from the Swiss branch, and in addition adding the debenture preference stock of the three and three quarter million to the directors' reserve currency account of seven and a half million, plus an upward expenditure margin of eleven and a half thousand lira, due to a rise in capital investment of ten million pounds, this firm last year made a complete profit of a shilling.
Chairman	A shilling Wilkins?
Accountant	Er, roughly, yes sir.
Chairman	Wilkins, I am the Chairman of a multi-million pound corporation and you are a very new chartered Accountant. Isn't it possible there may have been some mistake?
Accountant	Well that's very kind of you sir, but I don't think I'm ready to be Chairman yet.

Please open your hymnal to page 40 and join us in singing “Accountant-cy Shanty”  Verse 1

Up, up, up your premium,  Up, up, up your premium (Scribble away!)
Up, up, up your premium (And balance the books),  Up, up, up your premium (Scribble away!)
Up, up, up your premium (But balance the books),  Up, up, up

It's fun to charter an accountant,  And sail the wide accountancy,
To find, explore the funds offshore,  And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy!

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 30 page 99 where the prophets say …

Boss	Come in, Mr Horton.
	The city gent enters.
City Gent	Morning, sir.
Boss	Do - do sit down. (he indicates chair, trying not to look at the city gent)
City Gent	Thank you, sir.
	The boss starts to snigger but suppresses it with feat of self-control.
Boss	Now then Horton, you've been with us for twenty years, and your work in the accounts department has been immaculate (the city gent starts to speak; the boss suppresses another burst of laughter) No no - please don't say anything. As I say, your work has been beyond reproach, but unfortunately the effect you have on your colleagues has undermined the competence (almost starts laughing) ... has undermined the competence of this firm to such a point that I'm afraid that I've got no option but to sack you.
City Gent	(in a broken voice) I'm sorry to hear that, sir. (the boss giggles, gets up hastily and turning his back on city gent leans against the mantelpiece; his desire to laugh mounts through the next speech) It couldn't have come at a worse time. There's school fees for the two boys coming up, and the wife's treatment costing more now ... I don't know where the money's coming from as it is. And now I don't see any future ... I'd been hoping I'd be able to hang on here just for the last couple of years but... now ... I just want to go out and end it all.
	The boss cannot control himself any longer. He collapses in helpless mirth, falling all over the room. Immediately we cut to stock film of terrific audience laughter.
	Cut to backdrop of a circus ring. In front of it, as if in the ring, stand the RSM and Mr Man. Mr Man is as before. The RSM is dressed the same except that over his uniform he wears baggy trousers and braces and a funny nose. He is responding to the audience applause. Mr Man has obviously just been drenched with hot water - he is soaked and steam is rising.

 

Homily:  Greetings Parishioners as we watch the crass commercialization of another religion’s holiday.  At this time of year it is always good to take a look at the state of economic affairs.  Let us start by looking at our government and its expenditure of our hard wrung tax dollars. 

I am sure that you will all be pleased to hear that the Secretary of Transportation Pete “Buttcheech” has determined that “Racist Highways” are a key focus for his new found largess thanks to the recent (https://www.zerohedge.com/political/buttigieg-cnn-reporter-hold-3-minute-exchange-tackling-racism-us-highways) “infrastructure spendithon”.  That is right, right up their with broad band for all and bridge repair, “Sweetie Pete” is targeting “Racist roads” for “fixing”.  There are some well spent “future” tax dollars!

In addition to American officials focus on “real economic problems in our infrastructure”, at least we can count on the international leaders to remain focused on the serious problems in our world.  As an example of such “focus” lets discuss the naming of the most recent variant of the COVID-19 virus (Wuhan Flu).  The world health organization named the newest variant the “Omnicron” variant.  The previous was named the “Nu” variant.  The problem here is that in the Greek Alphabet there is a letter between “Nu” and “Omnicron”.  That letter is called “Xi”.  Turns out the world’s most famous “Pooh Bear” did not want the variant named “Xi” as that happened to be his first name, so the World Health Organization decided to skip the letter to appease our favorite dictatorbear (https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/who-explains-why-it-skipped-xi-when-naming-new-covid-19-variant-omicron)!  Nice of them to be so considerate of the “dictabear’s” feelings since he let the plague loose in the frst place. However, since this represents the fifteenth letter used already, thus there are only nine left the authorities that are doing the naming may want to start thinking about what they will use when they run out of Greek letters.  

Finally, we can all thank that filthy bastard George Soros and the various prosecutors he backed around the country for the massive spike in criminal activity since his judges and prosecutors allow criminals to use a revolving door and just walk out of jail on the rare occasion there is still a police officer around to arrest them.  Now even the poshest areas of our nation can feel the pain of criminals.  Seth Rogan announced that he looks at the constant thefts from his car as a small price to pay for his life style, perhaps when he does not hand over his money fast enough and gets knifed he will “feel” differently.  Meanwhile the richest suburbs of L.A. are quickly descending into “No Go Zones” (https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2021-12-04/brutal-brazen-incidents-push-crime-into-focus-in-l-a)! 

Amen  

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.