Week Two of Silly Time

 

Welcome to the Second Week of “Silly Time”, The six week period between when the gifts of the prophets were bestowed upon Britain and when the same gifts were poured out upon the colonies.  This is a time of solemn introspection and reflection on our lives and their direction. 

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that spiritual rendition it warmed my heart as I walked to the pulpit.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode13 page 176 where the prophets say …

Surgeon  Brr brr (picks up phone) No, no wrong number I’m a colleague of his, a surgeon, who specializes in these kind of things.  Yes thank you very much.  (replaces phone).  Next please.  Come in.  Ah come in, please take a seat.  My colleague who has a similar office has explained your case to mif you’ll just step through here I’ll slit you up a treat.  Mr. Notlob, as you know I am a leading Harley Street surgeon as seen on television.  I’m afraid I’m going to have to operate.  It’s nothing to worry about although it is extremely dangerous.  I shall be juggling with your life, I shall be playing ducks and drakes with your very existence, I shall be running me mits over the pith of your marrow.  Yea!  These hands, these fingers, these sophisticated organs of touch, these bunches of five, these maulers, these German bands that have pulled many a moribund unfortunate back from the very brink of Lazarus’s box.  No, it was Pandora’s box wasn’t it?  Well anyway these mits have earned yours truly a lot of bread. 

Notlob   What?

Surgeon   Mr Notlob, there’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.    

Please open your hymnal to page 16 and join us in singing “Bing Tidde Tiddle Bong”. 

Bing Tiddle Tiddle Bang,    Bung Tiddle Tiddle Bang,

Bung Tiddle Tiddle Tiddle Tiddle Tiddle,

Bung Tiddle Tiddle Bong,    Bung Tiddle Tiddle Bing,

Bung Tiddle Tiddle Bang,

Bing Tiddle Tiddle,    Bang Tiddle Tiddle,    Bong Tiddle Tiddle,

Bing Tiddley Ding Ding Bang Bong.

 

Please recite with me from memory the birth scene from Monty Python’s “The Meaning of Life”…

Obstetrician 1: Get the EEG, the BP monitor, and the AVV.

Obstetrician 2: And get the machine that goes 'ping!'.

Obstetrician 1: And get the most expensive machine - in case the Administrator comes.

Patient: What do I do?

Obstetrician: Nothing, dear, you're not qualified.

Hospital Administrator: Ah, I see you have the machine that goes 'ping!'. This is my favourite. You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to - that way it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account.

[The doctors and onlookers applaud.]

Hospital Administrator: Thank you, thank you. We try to do our best. Well, do carry on.

[As the doctors drop the baby into an incubator, the mother looks up.]

Patient: Is it a boy or a girl?

Obstetrician: Now, I think it's a little early to start imposing roles on it, don't you? Now, a word of advice. You may find that you suffer for some time a totally irrational feeling of depression. PND is what we doctors call it. So it's lots of happy pills for you, and you can find out all about the birth when you get home. It's available on Betamax, VHS, and Super 8.

Homily  As the “Medical Dictators” continue to blame the people who choose not to get the vaccines for the spread of COVID, they point out that 84% of people getting hospitalized locally are unvaccinated, they conveniently ignore that those same statistics mean the 16% (one in six) of the hospitalized are fully vaccinated!  Problems with the vaccine efficacy seem to growing at an alarming rate.  Of course this should be expected since COVID-19 is related to the Common Cold, and we all know how well our “medical masters” have done with curing the common cold. 

Meanwhile, these same “medical experts” are currently ignoring an outbreak of the Bubonic Plague.  This outbreak is not in some third world country, but rather in the State of Colorado here in the U.S.!  (https://www.zerohedge.com/medical/colorado-health-officials-monitoring-literal-plague-activity-least-6-counties-after-child)  Obviously, COVID-19 (with an under 2% death rate for the infected), is significantly LESS er… more, yes MORE!  Dangerous that the Bubonic Plague (with approximately a 100% death rate for those who develop the classic “buboe”)  So it makes sense that they continue to push people toward getting a vaccine for COVID as it loses effectiveness instead of fighting that silly old Bubonic Plague. 

Of course maybe they just do not want us to notice that the Harris/Biden justice department has decided NOT to even investigate whether Democratic Governors who packed COVID patients into Nursing Homes might have killed helpless senior citizens who originally lived there.  I mean its not like one Democrat State Attorney General is already investigating one of the “Gang of Four” already (https://www.zerohedge.com/political/us-wont-investigate-governors-who-ordered-nursing-homes-accept-covid-positive-residents)  So as a recap, Do get your waning COVID Vaccine (some protection is better than none).  Do not go to Colorado, unless you have already fought off the Bubonic Plague.  And NEVER trust a Democrat when they say they are not going to KILL you. 

Enjoy the next week in our The Onion based reality. 

Amen  

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.