The Seventh Week of Extra Ordinary Time

 

Welcome all to the Seventh week of Extra Ordinary Time.   

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for your lugubrious rendition, it literally lubricated my perambulation to the alter area.

Please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 19 page 252 where the prophets say …

Interviewer	Mr L. F. Dibley's 'Finian's Rainbow'. And now over to me. (close-up of interviewer) Exclusively on the programme today we have the Foreign Secretary, who has just returned from the bitter fighting in the Gulf of Amman. He's going to tell us about canoeing.
	On the bank of a river seen from the other side. There is a canoe on the bank a man in a pinstripe suit stands beside it. SUPERIMPOSEN CAPTION: 'THE FOREIGN SECRETARY' He gives a little cough and gets in. Two Arabs run in from other side of frame, lift up the canoe and throw it and the Foreign Secretary into the water. Cut back to the interviewer.
Interviewer	That gives you just some idea of what's going on out there. Today saw the long-awaited publication of the Portman Committee's Report on Industrial Reorganization...

 

Open your hymnal to page 22 and join us in singing “Henry Kissinger?”  Verse 1

Henry Kissinger,  How I'm missing yer
You're the Doctor of my dreams,  With your crinkly hair and your glassy stare

And your machiavellian schemes,  I know they say that you are very vain
And short and fat and pushy but at least you're not insane,  Henry Kissinger

How I'm missing yer,  And wishing you were here

 

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 42 page 280 where the prophets say … trivializing the war

General	Five shillings a dozen? That's ordinary cabbages, is it? And what about the bombs?... Good Lord, they are expensive.
	A corporal rushes in.
Corporal	Sir!
General	Yes, what is it?
Corporal	News from the Western Front, sir.
General	Yes ... ?
Corporal	Big enemy attack at dawn, sir ...
General	Yes ... ?
Corporal	Well, the enemy were all wearing little silver halos, sir ... and ... they had fairy wands with big stars on the end ... and ...
General	They what ... ?
Corporal	.. and ... they had spiders in matchboxes, sir.
General	(in disbelief) Good God! How did our chaps react?
Corporal	Well, they were jolly interested, sir. Some of them ... I think it was the 4th Armoured Brigade, sir, they ... well, they went and had a look at the spiders, sir.
General	Oh my God! All right, thank you, Shirley.
	A girl emerges from under the table. She is a blonde WAAF.
Corporal	Sir!
General	(to a sergeant) Get me the Prime Minister. (the sergeant opens the door, Churchill stands outside) Not that quickly! (the sergeant shuts the door) Gentlemen, it's now quite apparent that the enemy are not only fighting this war on the cheap, but they're also not taking it seriously.
Ageing General	Bastards ...

 

Homily  Genteel Parishioners, some very interesting information came out recently that should sway your after service plans for this afternoon and the foreseeable future – naturally it all revolves around food.  So I thought that today, as we start the summer barbecue season it would be both fitting and proper to bring these stories to your attention. 

First off, in an effort to show just how much money is wasted on “scientific research” each day, a paper was recently released that looked at whether or not eating meat was good for human health (https://academic.oup.com/af/article/13/2/11/7123475?searchresult=1).   Surprise, surprise, surprise, - after millions of years of evolution it turns out we actually are evolved to eat meat, and doing so is good for our overall health! 

Meanwhile. another recent study shows that there IS good Scientific Research out there, just ignored by legacy media (https://www.biorxiv.org/content/10.1101/2023.04.21.537778v1.full).  This research shows that lab grown “pseudo beef” is orders of magnitude worse for the environment than actual beef!  This of course does not fit corporate narrative and so must be ignored. 

Just in case you are inclined to ACTUALLY do something for the natural environment AND enjoy some meat at the same time, it turns out that there is an option to do just that (https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/feb/20/us-threat-canada-super-pig-boar).   It seems that the Canadians have managed to both breed up a Wild “Super Pig” and completely loose control of the things.  They are expected to have already crossed into the United States and will be a growing concern from here.  This will offer, those willing to pursue the option, the ability to both go out and kill one or more of these “Super Pigs” AND take the resultant bacon home for both you and your loved ones.  So literally “the game is afoot!”

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.