The Fifth Week of Silly Time

 

Welcome to the Fifth Week of “Silly Time”, The six week period between when the gifts of the prophets were bestowed upon Britain and when the same gifts were poured out upon the colonies.  This is a time of solemn introspection and reflection on our lives and their direction. 

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that spiritual rendition it warmed my heart as I was carried by litter to the pulpit.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode17 page 231 where the prophets say …

 Chemist: (JOHN) Right. I've got some of your prescriptions here. Er, who's got the pox? (nobody reacts) ... Come on, who's got the pox ... come on... (a man timidly puts his hand up) . .. there you go. (throws bottle to the man with his hand up) Who's got a boil on the bum... boil on the botty. (throws bottle to the only man standing up) Who's got the chest rash? (a woman with a large bosom puts up hand) Have to get a bigger bottle. Who's got wind? (throws bottle to a man sitting on his own) Catch.

(Caption on the screen: 'THE CHEMIST SKETCH - AN APOLOGY')

Voice Over: The BBC would like to apologize for the poor quality of the writing in that sketch. It is not BBC policy to get easy laughs with words like bum, knickers, botty or wee-wees. (laughs off camera) Ssssh!

(Cut to a man standing by a screen with a clicker.)

BBC Man: These are the words that are not to be used again on this programme

(He clicks the clicker. On screen appear the following slides:)
B*M    B*TTY    P*X    KN*CKERS    W**-W**    SEMPRINI

(A girl comes into shot.)

Girl: Semprini!?

BBC Man: (pointing) Out!

Open your hymnal to page 31 and join us in singing “Anything goes in” 

Anything goes in.  Anything goes out!
Fish, bananas, old bananas,  Mutton! Beef! and Trout!
Anything goes in.  Anything goes out.  (Repeat)

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 36 page 186 where the prophets say …

(We see a table outside a restaurant. A young couple are sitting blissfully at it.)

She: It's nice here, darling, isn't it.     He: It's beautiful, it's Paris all over again.

(Enter a vicar, dressed normally but has bald wig with fright hair at sides. He carries a suitcase.)

Vicar: Excuse me, do you mind if I join you?     He: Er, no... no... no... not at all.

Vicar: Are you sure you don't mind?     He: Yes, yes, absolutely.

Vicar: You're sure I won't be disturbing you?     He: No, no.

Vicar: You're absolutely sure I won't be disturbing you?     She: No, no really.

Vicar: Good. Because I don't want to disturb you. Specially as you're being so kind about me not disturbing you.

He: Oh, no, no, we don't mind, do we, darling?     She: Oh no, darling.

Vicar: Good, so I can go ahead and join you then? Can I?     Both: Yes ... yes...

Vicar: Won't be disturbing?     Both: No. No.

Vicar: Good, good. You're very kind. (he sits down) A lot of people are far less understanding than you are. A lot of people take offense even when I talk to them. (he makes strange gestures with his hands) Let alone when I specifically tell them about my being disturbing.

He: ... Well, it's not particularly disturbing.

Vicar: No, absolutely, absolutely, that's what I always say. (he produces plates from his case and smashes them on the table) But you'd be amazed at the number of people who really don't want me - I mean, even doing this (he produces a rubber crab suspended from a ping-pong paddle and a rubber baby doll and bobs them up and down, making loud silly noises as he does so) gets people looking at me in the most extraordinary way. (he breaks more plates and squirts shaving cream over his head; he and she get up to leave)

Homily Parishioners, a recent article (https://www.nbcnewyork.com/new-jersey/nj-allows-human-composting-after-death-what-does-mean/6392700/) got me thinking about the plight of religions around the world as its contents are so blatantly pagan in nature and origin that the fact such things are going on in the U.S. just boggles the mind.  Thus, I decided that I would look at religions for this week’s homily. 

Looking to the old world first recently it was announced that the Lutheran Church of Germany has decided to ban members of the AfD party from all church positions (https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/german-lutheran-church-bans-afd-members-committees-calls-party-anti-human).  The fastest growing political party, and the only one still standing up for the core values that the Lutheran Church supposedly stands for and they want to “excommunicate” them.  I am sure that Martin Luther is rolling in his grave at such hubris. 

Furthering the level of insanity in Germany we now have people putting up signs in windows saying Jews are not allowed in the store (https://magyarnemzet.hu/kulfold/2025/09/antiszemita-flensburg).  Its not like the halls of history are ringing with that returning sight on German streets.  

Naturally my thoughts turned to Asia for a calmer and more serene approach to matters.  Unfortunately instead I found that the famous Shaolin Temple Abbot has been defrocked (https://www.scmp.com/news/china/politics/article/3319996/chinas-famous-shaolin-temple-gets-new-abbot-after-predecessor-removed?module=perpetual_scroll_0&pgtype=article).  Apparently at least the Shaolin Temple takes sex with (several) kids and embezzling money fairly seriously as that is what the defrocked Abbot is charged with.  So much for “serenity”. 

At this point I returned to the U.S. hoping to find a better result in the heartland – unfortunately I was disappointed.  In a recent study, the Family Research Council reported that there have been literally hundreds of attacks launched on churches each year in the U.S. (https://downloads.frc.org/EF/EF25H55.pdf).   In fact there is over one attack launched somewhere in America each day of the year on average!  In response to this breaking the story the Southern Poverty Law Center decided to brand the FRC as an “LGBT Hate Group”.  Good to see the Democans and their surrogates are sticking with their old ways, if you can not argue with their facts, “Smear Them”.  Some things will never change. 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.