The Eleventh/Twelfth Week of Ordinary Time

 

Welcome to the Eleventh/Twelfth week of Ordinary Time.  

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

As the weather continues to be subzero the warmth of your processional was loving blanket I felt all the way to the pulpit, thanks.  This week will realign our calendar, from my mistake at the start of the new year.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 6 page 71 where the prophets say …

Praline	(to camera) Hello. (he walks in followed by Superintendent Parrot and goes to desk) Mr Milton? You are sole proprietor and owner of the Whizzo Chocolate Company?
Milton	I am.
Praline	Superintendent Parrot and I are from the hygiene squad.We want to have a word with you about your box of chocolates entitled the Whizzo Quality Assortment.
Milton	Ah, yes.
Praline	(producing box of chocolate) If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the Cherry Fondue. This is extremely nasty, but we can't prosecute you for that.
Milton	Agreed.
Praline	Next we have number four, 'Crunchy Frog'.
Milton	An, yes.
Praline	Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in here?
Milton	Yes. A little one.
Praline	What sort of frog?
Milton	A dead frog.
Praline	Is it cooked?
Milton	No.
Praline	What, a raw frog?
	Superintendent Parrot looks increasingly queasy.
Milton	We use only the finest baby frogs, dew-picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose.

Open your hymnal to page 16 and join us in singing “Oliver Cromwell”  Verse 4

Open your hymnal to page 2 and join us in singing “Spam”  Verse 2

(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely Spam! Lovely Spam!)

Or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a Mornay sauce
Served in a Provençale manner with shallots and aubergines
Garnished with truffle pâté, brandy and a fried egg on top and Spam

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 25 page 27 where the prophets say …

Mr Bun	What have you got, then?
Waitress	Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg, bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam; or Lobster thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce garnished with truffle pâté, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Mrs Bun	Have you got anything without spam in it?
Waitress	Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Mrs Bun	I don't want ANY spam!

 

Homily Parishioners, I thought that this would be a pleasant week to run some good news stories for the Homily so here we go.  I thought I would start with a simple “knock on benefit” that has emerged from removing illegals from the United States, less traffic problems (https://www.zerohedge.com/political/auto-accidents-fall-10-major-cities-amid-reports-lighter-traffic).  Turns out that LA has seen a 10% reduction in accidents with the reduction in the illegal presence on the roads and NYC reports that the constant congestion problems have eased.  So there are two unexpected benefits. 

Next, as soon as The Biden administration was excused from service suddenly the much maligned Secret Service has picked up it performance (https://www.zerohedge.com/political/secret-service-discovers-hunting-stand-overlooking-trumps-air-force-one-exit).  Someone set up a hunting stand in a tree about 200 yards from where Air Force 1 stops when it is in Florida for Trump’s Mar-a-Lago visits.  Now they can detect snipers BEFORE they start shooting! 

Finally, The Met police force over in London has recently announced that it will stop investigating “non crime hate incidents” (https://www.the-independent.com/news/uk/home-news/graham-linehan-met-police-anti-trans-case-b2848730.html).  Perhaps Free Speech is not dead in “old Blighty” after all?  Perhaps people can go back to blowing off steam on the blogosphere without fear of governmental reprisal.  At least until Lord Starmer replaces the Home Secretary with someone who understands his policies a little better. 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly

poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.