The Eighteenth Week of Extra Ordinary Time

 

Welcome all to the Eighteenth week of Extra Ordinary Time. 

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Parishioners, as our liturgical calendar draws to a close, let us this week focus on maintaining our calm and reasoned outlook as those around us loose their heads. I feel a look at some “good” news is in order. 

Please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 16 page 214 where the prophets say …

Milkman	Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake baker's man. Good morning, madam, I'm a psychiatrist.
Lady	You look like a milkman to me.
Milkman	Good. (ticks form on his clipboard) I am in fact dressed as a milkman... you spotted that - well done.
Lady	Go away.
Milkman	Now then, madam. I'm going to show you three numbers, and I want you to tell me if you see any similarity between them. (holds up a card saying '3' three times)
Lady	They're all number three.
Milkman	No. Try again.
Lady	They're all number three?
Milkman	No. They're all number three. (he ticks his board again) Right. Now. I'm going to say a word, and I want you to say the first thing that comes into your head. How many pints do you want?

Open your hymnal to page 27 and join us in singing “A Plea for Toleration and Understanding”

Never be rude to an Arab
An Israeli, or Saudi, or Jew
Never be rude to an Irishman
No matter what you do

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 45 page 338 where the prophets say …

Attenborough: (slapping the side of a tree) Well here it is at last ... the goal of our quest. After six months and three days we've caught up with the legendary walking tree of Dahomey, Quercus Nicholas Parsonus, resting here for a moment, on its long journey south. It's almost incredible isn't it, to think that this huge tree has walked over two thousand miles across this inhospitable terrain to stop here, maybe just to take in water before the two thousand miles on to Cape Town, where it lives. It's almost unimaginable, I find - the thought of this mighty tree strolling through Nigeria, perhaps swaggering a little as it crosses the border into Zaire, hopping through the tropical rain forests, trying to find a quiet grove where it could jump around on its own, sprinting up to Zambia for the afternoon, then nipping back ... (a native whispers in his ear) Oh, super ... well, I've just been told that this is not in fact the legendary walking tree of Dahomey, this is one of Africa's many stationary trees, Arborus Barnbet Gaseoignus. In fact we've just missed the walking tree... it left here at eight o'clock this morning... was heading off in that direction... so we'll see if we can go and catch it up. Come on boys.

Homily  As the media lies itself into believing that Kumala is leading Trump in the election via oversampling opinion polls, I thought this would be a good week to take a look at some more positive recent news.   I thought I would start with a nice bit of genuine international cooperation.  The opening insult that was the start of the recent Summer Olympics in France offered a veritable roast of all things Christian.  There were of course complaints from all the obvious Christian quarters, and lies from all the “leftards” about a simple example of “inclusion”, which now apparently requires insulting majority culture to really be inclusive.  But most interesting was a complaint about the odious spectacle from a most un expected quarter (https://x.com/AFpost/status/1817631603432267853?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1817739201284055072%7Ctwgr%5Efdea256c18b3eb9566555e227921cd1092670a83%7Ctwcon%5Es3_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.zerohedge.com%2Fpolitical%2Frebel-archbishop-slams-olympics-vile-attacks-god-says-macron-obama-married-trans-men).  That is right, Iran’s chief Mullah summoned the French Ambassador to lodge a formal complaint about the insult to Christianity! 

Next, I turn to Germany, currently continuing its freefall collapse under a new “leftard” party administration.  Surprisingly, when recent floods struck parts of Germany, the government enforced an obscure provision in their welfare laws which states that those on welfare “MUST” show up for public work projects when summoned or they will loose more than half of their dole money(https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13650799/german-state-benefits-cuts-migrants.html).  The resultant complaints by the illegals and their enablers, while loud, were ignored with bureaucratic efficiency and the check docked.  I imagine the illegals will show up the next time they are summoned. 

Finally, a rare example of ancient Anglo/Scottish cooperation has been discovered (https://www.nature.com/articles/s41586-024-07652-1#Abs1).  It turns out that the most mysterious stone at Stonehenge, the “Altar Stone” was actually quarried in North East Scotland and somehow transported down to Salisbury Plain.  They still do not know how it got down there, but we can be pretty sure that the Anglos did not steal it!  Across the board, with such unexpected examples of cooperation over ideological divides, perhaps there is more hope for the future than is evident amidst the media lies. 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.