The Sixth Week of Extra Ordinary Time

 

Welcome to the Sixth Week of Extra Ordinary Time. 

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for your exuberant rendition, it really roused my patriotic sentiments.  

Please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 8 page 96 where the prophets say …

Sergeant	Two civilian gentlemen to see you ... sir!
Colonel	Show them in please, sergeant.
Sergeant	Mr Dino Vercotti and Mr Luigi Vercotti.
	The Vercotti brothers enter. They wear Mafia suits and dark glasses.
Dino	Good morning, colonel.
Colonel	Good morning gentlemen. Now what can I do for you.
Luigi	(looking round office casually)You've ... you've got a nice army base here, colonel.
Colonel	Yes.
Luigi	We wouldn't want anything to happen to it.
Colonel	What?
Dino	No, what my brother means is it would be a shame if... (he knocks something off mantel)
Colonel	Oh.
Dino	Oh sorry, colonel.

Open your hymnal to page 18 and join us in singing “I Like Chinese” Verse 1

The world today seems absolutley crackers,  With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high.
There's fools and idiots sitting on the trigger.  It's depressing, and it's senseless, and that's why...
I like chinese,  I like chinese,
They only come up to you knees,  Yet they're always friendly and they're ready to to please.

I like chinese,  I like chinese,
There's nine hundred million of them in the world today,  You'd better learn to like them, that's what I say.

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 34 page 156 where the prophets say …

Pither	Excuse me. Is this the British Consulate?
Chinaman	Yes yes... si si...that is correctment. Yes... Piccadilly Circus, mini-skirt and Joe Lyons.
Pither	I wish to see the consul, please.
Chinaman	Yes, yes, speakee speakee... me Blitish consul.
Pither	Oh! (he examines his diary.) You are Rear Admiral Sir Dudley Compton?
Chinaman	No. He died. He have heart attack and fell out of window onto exploding bomb, and was killed in a shooting accident. I...I his how you say...succ...sussor.
Pither	Oh, successor.
Chinaman	I'm his successor, Mr Atkinson.
Pither	Oh.
Chinaman	Would you like drinkee? Or game bingo?
Pither	Well.... A drink would be very nice.
	The Chinaman claps his hands and another runs in and bows obsequiously.
Chinaman	Mr. Livingstone. Go and get sake.
Livingstone	Yes, Boss. (goes)
Chinaman	How is Tonblidge Wells? How I long to see again walls of famous Shakespeare-style theatre in Stlatford-on-Avon.
Pither	Oh well, I'm a West Country man myself, Mr. Atkinson.
Chinaman	Oh Texas - Arizona - Kit Carson Super Scout.
Pither	No. No. West of England... Cornwall.
Chinaman	(with difficulty) Coron... worll...
Pither	Cornwall.
Chinaman	Coronworl...oh yes know Coronworl very well. Went to school there, mother and father live there, ah yes. Go many weekend parties and polo playing cards in blidge club. Belong many clubs in Coronworld.

Homily  Parishioners, this week I thought I would discuss the current situation in the U.S. vs China trade/tariff fight as things seem to have reached an equilibrium with one side proving victorious.  The whole situation broke a couple of weeks ago as China caved to U.S. pressure and tried to secretly start negotiations with the Trump administration (https://www.joongang.co.kr/article/25331291).  This particular article is from a South Korean and includes pictures of the Chinese delegation sneaking into a building adjacent to the White House.  Naturally China attempted to deny the photo and demanded that the article be removed from the internet to “prove” it was false. 

A week or so later China began pulling its economic information off the internet as teir economy ground to a halt (https://www.wsj.com/world/china/china-economy-data-missing-096cac9a).  Only in Winnie the Pooh land does sticking your head in the sand while chanting “this is not happening” get attempted as an economic model.  Naturally, such efforts failed and China secretly bent the knee to Washington and begged for negotiations. 

After that it was only another week before the Main Stream Media were forced to admit that Trump had won again.  Reuters explained that Winnie the Pooh, fearing that other countries would strike trade deals that harmed his fiefdom even further had asked for meetings a month prior regardless of his previous lies to the contrary (https://www.reuters.com/world/inside-chinas-decision-come-table-trump-tariffs-2025-05-09/). I am sure admitting the Trump plan worked once more was physically painful to Reuters editors, but it is nice to see they can admit to facts. 

Finally, Trump’s insistence that this trade war is all about saving American lives from the Chinese menace of Fentanyl was proven by the inclusion of Winnie the Pooh’s right hand man, and commander of the police forces in the negotiation delegation (https://www.wsj.com/world/china/china-sends-xis-security-czar-to-trade-talks-with-u-s-a763826d).

Now lets just hope that the poison flooding our country from China can finally be stopped saving countless future lives from China’s insidious attempt to modernize the Opium Trade in an effort to undermine America.   

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.