The Second Week of Extra Ordinary Time

 

Welcome to the Second week of Extra Ordinary Time. Year Six

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that staunch rendition of the Processional, the support is appreciated.  Please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 20 page 269 where the prophets say …

Assistant	Professor! What is it? What have you seen?
Professor	Look - there, in the doorway.
	Cut to doorway: through it is animation of a huge sheep with an eye patch.
Assistant	Urghhh! Arthur X! Leader of the Pennine Gang!
	ANIMATION: perhaps even mixed with stock film - as the fevered mind of Gilliam takes it - sheep armed to the teeth, sheep executing dangerous raids, Basil Cassidy and the Sundance Sheep, sheep with machine gun coming out of its arse etc. At the end of the animation, cut to studio. A narrator sitting in what could be a news set at a desk.
Narrator	But soon the killer sheep began to infect other animals with its startling intelligence. Pussy cats began to arrange mortgages, cocker spaniels began to design supermarkets...

Open your hymnal to page 2 and join us in singing “Spam” verse 1

Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!,  Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam
Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Spam spam spam spam!

 

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 25 page 27 where the prophets say …

Mr Bun	Morning
Waitress	Morning
Mr Bun	What have you got, then?
Waitress	Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg, bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam; or Lobster thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce garnished with truffle pâté, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Mrs Bun	Have you got anything without spam in it?
Waitress	Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Mrs Bun	I don't want ANY spam!
Mr Bun	Why can't she have egg, bacon, spam and sausage?
Mrs Bun	That's got spam in it!
Mr Bun	Not as much as spam, egg, sausage and spam.
Mrs Bun	Look, could I have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam.
Waitress	Uuuuuuggggh!

 

Homily: Parishioners, apparently this year “Lord Starmer” has decided to enter the “International Twit of the Year competition” – I heartily endorse his entry and like his chances in this year’s stable.  Let’s look at his recent antics.   Of course, there are his typical clumsy and heavy handed attempts at ruling Britain.  He has now turned his anti freedom of speech designs on talk radio in Britain as he attempts to climate change questioners from being heard (https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2026/mar/24/ofcom-complaints-climate-change-denial-talktv-talk-radio).  With these classic over reach attempts to control people’s thoughts I am always reminded of the late, great, actress Carrie Fisher and her immortal line “The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers”. 

Speaking about tightening your grip and losing ever more.  Lord Starmer’s “Anti Muslim Hostility Group” (talk about a title with a double entendre), a name developed because its members determined that “Islamophobia” was “Islamophobic”, was recently discovered to have a significant problem (https://freespeechunion.org/publications/anti-free-speech-hostility-islamophobia).  SURPRISE, every single member of the “Group” was discovered to be connected to terrorist and extremist groups.  At least he is achieving one of the two meanings of his new group’s title! 

Finally, now even members of his own party are calling for Lord Starmer’s “political head” due to the burgeoning controversy of Starmer’s appointment of degenerate pedophile and all around Jeffrey Epstein friend, Lord Mandelson as ambassador to America (https://www.ft.com/content/9f8d01dd-4ef8-475e-8b76-9cb0e325fb60).  The Financial Times recently proved that Starmer was warned to vet Mandelson and then appointed him despite Mandelson failing the vetting process!  Apparently Lords “hang together”. 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly

poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.