The Third Week of Pythonalia
All are Welcome to rejoice and enjoy our Third week of Pythonalia. Pythonalia is the six week (in honor of the six holy prophets) celebration of our religion's rich history and impact on civilization.
Please
open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional “O Lord
Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1
O LORD, please don’t burn us, Don’t grill or
toast your flock,
Don’t put us on the barbecue, Or simmer us in stock,
Don’t braise or bake or boil us, Or stir fry us in a
wok.
Thank you for that Monotone
rendition it really fits the air of todays service. Now please open
The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 21 page 286 where the prophets say …
Roy (Eric Idle): (voice over) The mosquito's a clever little bastard.
You can track him for days and days until you really get to know him like a
friend. He knows you're there, and you know he's there. It's a game of wits.
You hate him, then you respect him, then you kill him.
(Cut
to Hank Spim who stands peering toward the horizon. Suddenly he points.)
Voice Over: Suddenly Hank spots
the mosquito they're after.
(Dramatic
music. Crash zoom along Hank's eyeline to as big a close-up as we can get of a
patch in a perfectly ordinary field. Cut back to Hank and Roy starting to crawl
towards some bushes.)
Voice Over: Now more than ever,
they must rely on the skills they have learnt from a lifetime's hunting. (tense music, as they
worm their way forward) Hank gauges the wind. (shot of Hank doing
complicated wind gauging biz.) Roy examines the mosquito's spoor. (shot of Roy examining
the ground intently) Then... (Roy fires a bazooka.
Hank fires off a machine gun; a series of almighty explosions in the small
patch of field; the gunfire stops and the smoke begins to clear) It's a success. The mosquito now is
dead. (Hank and Roy approach the scorched and blackened patch in
the field) But
Roy must make sure. (Roy points machine gun at head of mosquito
and fires off another few rounds)
Roy: There's nothing more
dangerous than a wounded mosquito.
Please open your hymnal
to page 13 and join us in singing “Eric the half a Bee” second Verse
Is this wretched
demi-bee, Half-asleep upon my knee,
Some freak from a
menagerie? No! It's Eric the half a bee!
Fiddle de dum,
Fiddle de dee, Eric the half a bee.
Ho ho ho, tee hee
hee, Eric the half a bee.
I love this hive,
employee-ee, Bisected accidentally,
One summer afternoon by
me, I love him carnally.
Now please open The Holy
Text volume 2 to episode 32 page 129 where the prophets say …
Second Interviewer:
Hello. I'm sorry about my colleague's rather unconventional behaviour just now,
but things haven't been too easy for him recently, trouble at home, rather
confidential so I can't give you all the details... interesting though they
are... three bottles of rum with his Weetabix, and so on, anyway... apparently
the girl wasn't even ... anyway the activity you see behind me... it's the
mother I feel sorry for. I'll start again. The activity you see behind me is
part of the preparations for the new Naval Expedition to Lake Pahoe. The man in
charge of this expedition is Vice Admiral Sir John Cunningham. Sir John, hello
there.
Sir John (Graham Chapman): Ah, hello. Well first of all I'd like to
apologize for the behaviour of certain of my colleagues you may have seen
earlier, but they are from broken homes, circus families and so on and they are
in no way representative of the new modern improved British Navy. They are a
small vociferous minority; and may I take this opportunity of emphasizing that
there is no cannibalism in the British Navy. Absolutely none, and when I say
none, I mean there is a certain amount, more than we are prepared to admit, but
all new ratings are warned that if they wake up in the morning and find any
toothmarks at all anywhere on their bodies, they're to tell me immediately so
that I can immediately take every measure to hush the whole thing up. And,
finally, necrophilia is right out. (the interviewer keeps nodding but looks embarrassed) Now, this expedition is primarily to
investigate reports of cannibalism and necrophilia in... this expedition is
primarily to investigate reports of unusual marine life in the as yet uncharted
Lake Pahoe.
Homily Well Parishioners, this week I thought we
would look at one of the people waiting in the wings for the collapse of Joe
Biden, Gavin Newsome. Yes that loathsome
troll from Kalifornia is waiting in the wings to be invited to run for
president when “old Joe” finally peters (principle) out. One of Gavin’s biggest supporters is of
course big tech, so recently when it was discovered that CISCO systems were
complicit with the Chines government in (https://realclearwire.com/articles/2023/08/08/suit_against_tech_giant_shines_light_on_us_complicity_in_chinese_torture__149590.html) torturing people, well I knew that old
Gavin would not be too far behind to get his fingers caught in something
nasty.
I did not have to
wait too long as shortly there after it was discovered that a Chinese company
was running an illegal COVID Biolab in Kalifornia (https://headlineusa.com/newsom-funded-chinese-covid-biolab-known-to-bidens-fda/).
Even more importantly the above story details how the Newsome
administration was funneling money to the Chinese company to help them set up
the lab! Talk about something
nasty!!
The situation was
so egregious that even the Biden FBI had to investigate .. well sort of. Once it was discovered that Gavin was
involved with the facility, suddenly the F.B.I. and Homeland (In)Security started
slow rolling the investigation as the Chinese “scientists” ran for the exits (https://www.zerohedge.com/medical/fbi-hhs-stonewalling-congress-over-illegal-chinese-covid-lab-california).
This story even shows actual photos of the lab including the idiotic
garden hose that got the entire mess discovered. A friend of mine once said to me that he
hoped at least some of the “Conspiracy Theories” were true, as that would mean
that our government was competent enough to run a secret project! At least we now know that Gavin is not that
competent!
Amen
Please
join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn
Us” second verse.
Oh Please don’t lightly poach us, Or Baste us with hot
fat,
Don’t fricassee or roast us, Or boil us in
a vat,
And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord, In a
Rotissomat.
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