Second Week of Pythonalia
All are Welcome
to rejoice and enjoy our Second week of Pythonalia. Pythonalia is the six
week (in honor of the six holy prophets) celebration of our religion's rich
history and impact on civilization.
Please
open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional “O Lord
Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1
O LORD, please don’t burn us, Don’t grill or
toast your flock,
Don’t put us on the barbecue, Or simmer us in stock,
Don’t braise or bake or boil us, Or stir fry us in a wok.
Thank you for that spiritual
rendition it warmed my heart as I walked to the pulpit. Now please open
The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 23 page 315 where the prophets say:
(Cut instantly to sky. CAPTION: 'SCOTT OF THE SAHARA') |
|
Voice Over:
Booming out of the pages of history comes a story of three men and one woman
whose courage shocked a generation. |
|
(Blinding sun. Pan down to Paignton beach. Scott, Evans, Oates
and Bowers wearing furs crossing sand on snow shoes. With sledge pulled by
motley selection of mongrel dogs, badly disguised as huskies.) |
|
Voice Over:
From the same team that brought you ... (the
names come out superimposed) 'Lawrence of Glareorgan' ... 'Bridge Over the River Trent'
... 'The Mad Woman of Biggleswade' ... and 'Krakatoa, East of Leamington' ...
comes the story of three people and a woman united by fate who set out in
search of the fabled Pole of the Sahara and found ... themselves. See ...
Lieutenant Scott's death struggle with a crazed desert lion. |
|
(The four are walking along. Suddenly they stop, stare, and
react in horror. Scott steps to the front to defend the others. Intercut,
non-matching stock shot of lion running out of jungle and leaping at camera.
Scott waits poised and is then struck by completely rigid stuffed lion.
Montage of shots of him wrestling, firstly with the stuffed lion, then with
an actor in a tatty lion suit. The lion picks up a chair, fends Scott off,
smashes it over his head. Finally Scott kicks the lion on the shin. The lion
leaps around on one leg and picks up a knife. Scott points, the lion looks,
Scott kicks the knife out of the lion's paw. He advances on the lion, and
socks him on the jaw. The lion collapses in slow motion. After a pause,
phoney blood spurts out.) |
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Voice Over: See
Ensign Oates' frank adult death struggle with the spine-chilling giant
electric penguin... |
|
(Oates looks up in horror, a shadow crosses him. Reverse shot
of model penguin [quite small, about a foot] which lights up and looks
electric. The penguin is close to the camera in the foreground and appears
huge. Oates looks around desperately then starts to undress. Shot of penguin
throwing tentacle. Half-nude Oates struggles with it. Intercut a lot of
phoney reverses. Oates by now clad only in posing briefs sees a stone. He
picks up the stone, then camera zooms into above-naval shot; he removes his
briefs, puts the stone in the briefs, twirls it like a sling, and releases
stone. The penguin is hit on beak, and falls over backwards.) |
|
(Cut instantly to sky. CAPTION: 'SCOTT OF THE SAHARA') |
|
Voice Over:
Booming out of the pages of history comes a story of three men and one woman
whose courage shocked a generation. |
|
Please open your hymnal
to page 29 and join us in singing “Finland” Verse 3
You're
so sadly neglected, And often ignored,
A poor second to Belgium, When going abroad.
Finland,
Finland, Finland, The country where I quite want to be,
Your mountains so lofty, Your treetops so tall,
Finland, Finland, Finland, Finland has it all.
Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to
episode 45 page 332 where the prophets say …
Man: Come on, please try
some.
Dad: All right I'll have
some Icelandic Honey.
Man: No, there is no
such thing.
Dad: You mean you don't
make any honey at all?
Man: No, no, we must
import it all. Every bally drop. We are a gloomy people. It's so crikey cold
and dark up there, and only fish to eat. Fish and imported honey. Oh strewth!
Mother: Well why do you
have a week?
Man: Listen Buster! In
Reykyavik it is dark for eight months of the year, and it's cold enough to
freeze your wrists off and there's only golly fish to eat. Administrative
errors are bound to occur in enormous quantities. Look at this - it's all a
mistake. It's a real pain in the sphincter! Icelandic HoneyWeek? My Life!
Mother: Well why do you
come in here trying to flog the stuff, then?
Man: Listen Cowboy. I
got a job to do. It's a stupid, pointless job but at least it keeps me away
from Iceland, all right? The leg of the worker bee has... (They
slam the door on him. Someone rather like Jeremy Thorpe looks round the door
and waves as they do so.)
Homily Well parishioners, it seems that our entire
Western Education system is in tatters, or even completely ruined. Recently our friends in Britain discovered
that the teachers, their unions, and the management of the schools have
completely lost their mind. The children
are now allowed to “identify” as cats, horses and even dinosaurs and naturally
all with no warning to their parents (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12213579/How-schools-allowing-kids-identify-cats-horses-dinosaurs.html).
Meanwhile, closer
to home in “Canadabad” a Toronto school board has decided to purge all books
written more than 20 years ago. By this
logic books like The Diary of Anne Frank is being removed from usage (https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/peel-school-board-library-book-weeding-1.6964332).
And so the “Woke” book burnings begin to remove all the “old/wrong think”
out there.
Finally, in what
is perhaps the most ridiculous decision “Kalifornication” has decided that disruptive
students can no longer be removed from a classroom (https://www.theepochtimes.com/us/california-bans-student-suspensions-for-defying-teachers-disrupting-classes-5509403?utm_source=partner&utm_campaign=ZeroHedge&src_src=partner&src_cmp=ZeroHedge). How
else can we possibly completely crush all desire to learn except by dragging
all children down to the worst behaving and probably lowest performing level
possible. Of course the “parents” of these
disruptive students will be quite glad to NOT have their offspring spending any
more time than is absolutely required in their home.
Amen
Please
join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn
Us” second verse.
Oh Please don’t lightly poach us, Or Baste us with hot
fat,
Don’t fricassee or roast us, Or boil us in
a vat,
And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord, In a
Rotissomat.
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