Week One of Pythonalia

 

All are Welcome to rejoice and enjoy our first week of Pythonalia.  Pythonalia is the six week (in honor of the six holy prophets) celebration of our religion's rich history and impact on civilization.  

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that joyful rendition I know the two now departed prophets heard and enjoyed your voices raised in praise.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 5 page 60 where the prophets say: 

(We see a young man playing chess with another young man. They are in an ordinary flat. There is a tremendous battering, banging, hammering and clattering at the door.)
Young Man (Eric Idle): Door's open.
Policeman (Graham Chapman): Oh. Yes. (he enters) All right. All right, all right, all right. My name's Police Constable Henry Thatcher, and this is a raid. I have reason to believe that there are certain substances on the premises.
Young Man: Well what sort of substances officer?
Policeman: Er... certain substances.
Young Man: Well, what sort of certain substances?
Policeman: Er, certain substances of an illicit nature.
Young Man: Er, could you be more specific?
Policeman: I beg your pardon?

 

Please open your hymnal to page 7 and join us in singing “The Ferret Song” Verse 2

I've got a ferret sticking up my nose,  (It starts singing when he wears his formal clothes)

I can almost stand the noise,  But at parties it destroys My hard-earned and carefully cultivated social poise

I've got a ferret sticking up my nose,  (Worst of all it constantly explodes),  Ferrets don't explode you say,  But it happened nine times yesterday
And I should know for each time I was standing in the way,  I've got a ferret sticking up my nose,  (He's got a ferret sticking up his nose)
How it got there I can't tell,  But now it's there it hurts like hell,  And what's more it radically affects my sense of smell

 

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 32 page 126 where the prophets say …

Policeman: I think the domed helmet wins every time over the flattened job, you know, even when they're three cornered ... (suddenly his eyes light on two office secretaries opening their packed lunch on a nearby seat) ... you want something to eat?

Reporter: (sensing what's going to happen, hurriedly) Well no, er really ...

Policeman: (approaching the girls and getting out his notebook) Hang on. You can't park here you know.

Women: (bewildered) We're not parked!

Policeman: No parked! What's that then?

Women: That's our lunch.

Policeman: Right. I'm taking that in for forensic examination.

Women: Why?

Policeman: Because it might have been used as a murder weapon, that's why! (the girls look at each other; the policeman grabs their lunch) Yeah, not bad. Could be worse. (to the reporter) Beer?

Reporter: (desperately) No, no, please ... honestly ... please ...

(The policeman walks off. There is a crash of breaking glass. An alarm bell starts to ring. The reporter winces. The policeman walks into shot again, holding two bottles of beer. He sits down, opens the beers with his teeth and hands one to reporter who is very embarrassed.)

Policeman: Now, the Chaldeans, who used to inhabit the area in between the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, their helmets were of the modular restrained kind of type ...

 

Homily  Parishioners, of late those who thought that “defunding” the police was such a great idea have been quite vocal in their demands to continue their “plans”, but now the results of such an inane notion have truly been coming “home” to roost.  This past week in Portland Oregon, that bastion of “ungovernables” one of their police commissioners has asked residents to “NOT CALL 911” as they are having such a waive of drug overdoses that their city services are simply flooded and they do not have time for anything else except life and death situations (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12586241/Portland-public-safety-commissioner-911.html).  Perhaps if they were not such a haven for drug addicts, they could find time to fight crime?

Meanwhile, also this last week two leftist “activists” were murdered in separate events and cities.  The connection of these two murders is that both “victims” have stridently called out anyone who spoke out about the violence in their areas of their towns.  The first was a “journalist” from Philadelphia who regularly publicly mocked concerns over violent crimes (https://www.zerohedge.com/political/philadelphia-journalist-who-mocked-concern-over-violent-crime-democrat-cities-shot-dead).  He was shot in his own home.  The second was a “social justice warrior” in New York (https://www.zerohedge.com/political/graphic-fatal-nyc-stabbing-left-wing-activist-caught-cctv).  This “victim” was murdered while walking home with his new wife. 

Perhaps the reason why the violence has escalated out of control and is now claiming these “street workers” lives has to do with the flood of humans swarming over our southern border as the South American Cartels are using the Biden open border to bring over their “foot soldiers” (https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/crime/boosters-fencers-cleaners-cartel-criminals-retail-theft) amongst the desperate souls.  Karma is an evil mistress and seems to be paying back “Social Justice Warriors” these days.

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.