The Fourth Week of Pythonalia

 

All are Welcome to rejoice and enjoy our Fourth week of Pythonalia.  Pythonalia is the six week (in honor of the six holy prophets) celebration of our religion's rich history and impact on civilization.  

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that gripping rendition it was a heart warming call to action.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 8 page 104 where the prophets say… 

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Praline: (pause)I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

 

Please open your hymnal to page 19 and join us in singing “Oliver Cromwell ”  Fourth Verse

Oliver Cromwell,  Lord Protector of England (Ole!)
Born in 1599, Died in 1658 (September),  Then he smashed (Ireland)
Set up the commonwealth (and more),  He crushed the Scots at Worcester
And beat the Dutch at sea in 1653, then,  he dissolved the Rump Parliament
And with Lambeth's consent, wrote the Instrument of Government,
Under which Oliver was Protector at last!,  The End!

 

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 41 page 275 where the prophets say …

(Cut to a polite, well dressed assistant at a counter with a big sign saying 'End of Show Department' behind him.)

Assistant (Terry Jones): Well it is one of our cheapest, sir.

Chris (Eric Idle): What else have you got?

Assistant: Well, there's the long slow pull-out, sir, you know, the camera tracks back and back and mixes...

(As he speaks we pull out and mix through to the exterior of the store. Mix through to even wider zoom ending up in aerial view of London. It stops abruptly and we cut back to Chris.)

Chris: No, have you got anything more exciting?

Assistant: How about a chase?

(The manager and the toupee assistants suddenly, appear at a door.)

Manager: There he is!

(Exciting chase music. They pursue Chris out of the hall and into another part of the store. Then cut back to Chris at counter.)

Chris: Oh, no, no, no.

Assistant: Walking into the sunset?

 

Homily  Parishioners, I started out this week to write a simple homily on other countries finding ways to profit on “Sleepy Uncle Joe’s” incompetence.  Naturally, the state of affairs of the shiftless administration caused this story line to shift dramatically.  Things started off simply enough with El Salvador announcing that they will begin charging people arriving from most African Countries a $1,000 service fee (plus 13% V.A.T. for a total 0f $1,130) just for flying into their airport (https://www.cepa.gob.sv/tarifa-de-mejoras-aeroportuarias-del-aeropuerto-internacional-de-el-salvador/).  Naturally this fee is possible because of our abandonment of all pretense of border security. 

However, from there things took a decidedly different tack as I continued watching South American Headlines.  “Sleepy Uncle Joe” next decision was to strike a deal with Venezuela’s current communist dictator for oil (https://www.reuters.com/world/americas/us-easing-venezuela-oil-sanctions-response-election-deal-official-2023-10-18/#:~:text=A%20new%20general%20license%20issued,next%20six%20months%20without%20limitation).  Naturally this deal was struck INSTEAD of simply buying more from Canada.  This leaves Canda with only China to sell their oil to. Thus, further eroding the American/Canadian bond, while strengthening the hand of not one but TWO communistic dictators!  Truly a rare level of incompetence in foreign policy matters. 

Finally, as “Sleepy Uncle Joe” continues to need cheat sheets to call on and answer questions from reporters.  It also turns out that since we have not been increasing our refining capacity that Europe will need to buy its diesel supplies from China (https://oilprice.com/Energy/Energy-General/China-Could-Rescue-The-West-From-The-Diesel-Crunch.html)!   Isn’t it great that we have “an adult in the room” when it comes to foreign policy matters!  One year and one week to go until the next election, I hope we survive. 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.