Welcome to the third week of Pythonalia Honoraria, the ministry of Neil Innes

 

This Third week of Pythonalia Honoraria we celebrate the man who wrote most of the Monty Python musical elements, Neal Innes, please enjoy not only his musical efforts but remember he also played in some of the best sketches of the Prophets ministry.

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for noting the “Laconic” directions for this weeks entrance hymn to match the late great Neil in song.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 22 page 295 where the prophets say …

2nd Bruce	Goodday, Bruce!
1st Bruce	Oh, Hello Bruce!
3rd Bruce	How are yer Bruce?
1st Bruce	Bit crook, Bruce.
2nd Bruce	Where's Bruce?
1st Bruce	He's not here, Bruce.
3rd Bruce	Blimey, s'hot in here, Bruce.
1st Bruce	S'hot enough to boil a monkey's bum!
2nd Bruce	That's a strange expression, Bruce.
1st Bruce	Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. S'hot enough to boil a monkey's bum in 'ere, your Majesty,' he said and she smiled quietly to herself.
3rd Bruce	She's a good Sheila, Bruce and not at all stuck up.

 

Open your hymnal to the blue insert page C and join us in singing “When does a Dream begin” verse 1

When does a dream begin?  Does it start with a goodnight kiss?
Is it conceived or simply achieved,  When does a dream begin?
Is it born in a moment of bliss?  Or is it begun when two hearts are one
When does a dream exist?  The vision of you appears somehow
Impossible to resist,  But I'm not imagining seeing you
For who could have dreamed of this?  When does a dream begin?
When reality is dismissed?  Or does it commence when we lose all pretence
When does a dream begin?

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 29 page 80 where the prophets say …

Woman	There's another dead bishop on the landing.
Church Policeman	Suffragan or diocesan?
Woman	How should I know?
Church Policeman	It's tatooed on the back of their neck. Ere! Is that rat tart?
Woman	Yes.
Church Policeman	Disgusting! Right! The hunt is on. (kneels) Oh Lord we beseech thee tell us who croaked Leicester.
	Organ music. A huge hand descends and points at the man.
Man	All right, it's a fair cop, but society is to blame.
Church Policeman	Agreed.
Man	I would like the three by the bin to be taken into consideration.
Church Policeman	Right. And now, I'd like to conclude this arrest with a hymn.

 

Homily  After the warm response last week’s Homily received for its positive outlook I diligently sought out more positive stories to continue the vein – and failed to find any.  So in at least the spirit of last week’s homily this week I am going with more or less “neutral” stories – sorry it was the best I could do. 

I will start with a simple story that focuses on “Left Wing” extremists as more dangerous than their “Right Wing” cousins (https://www.zerohedge.com/political/domestic-left-wing-extremist-groups-more-dangerous-maga-republicans-experts).  This story, because it comes from Rutgers University, is all the more surprising, but at least it is good to see that some of the legacy types are finally admitting the dangers of ANTIFA and their ilk! 

The second story I have selected covers the Oregon and Portland police departments calling fo the recriminalization of drugs as the “decriminalization” has generated a massive crime wave and drug addicts street mess in major cities like Portland (https://www.oregon.gov/newsroom/pages/NewsDetail.aspx?newsid=191217).  It is not surporising that the decriminalization did not work, or caused the problems it is always associated with, nor is it interesting that the police are calling for recriminalization.  The interesting factor is that the news media are covering the story at all.  I guess it shows how filthy the problem really is! 

The final story I want to highlight this week involves the very large car rental company Hertz.  Two years ago Hertz made a VERY large bet that Americans would want to rent Electric cars when they purchased a fleet of them from Tesla.  Two years on, the company has determined that not only do Americans NOT want to rent an electric car, but once they HAVE rented an electric car they NEVER want to rent one again (https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/hertz-ceo-out-firm-seeks-traction-after-big-ev-bet-goes-bust).  As a result of this abject and complete failure of the Electric car rental scheme, Hertz has fired the CEO wo dreamt up the plan and now can not even sell off the used cars to try and recoup some of the investment as the “interest” in used rental cars has always been slight, but these lemons simply won’t be squeezed by anyone! 

At least each story has a potentially positive side to it. 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.