Twelfth Week of Extra Ordinary Time

 

Welcome all to the Twelfth week of Extra Ordinary Time. 

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you, your joyous rendition has provided me with the sustenance needed for our service today, I am certain the prophets were pleased by your iambic pentameter.  

Please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 9 page 116 where the prophets say … gumby crooner

Pepperpot	Well I object to all this sex on the television. I mean I keep falling off.
	Shot of battered trophy. SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'THAT JOKE WAS BRITAIN'S ENTRY FOR THIS YEAR'S RUBBER MAC OF ZURICH AWARD' ROLLER CAPTION: 'IT CAME LAST' Cut back to Canadian backdrop. In front, a man with a knotted handkerchief on his head, a wooly pullover, and braces. SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'PROF. R. J. GUMBY'
Gumby	Well I think television's killed real entertainment. In the old days we used to make our own fun. At Christmas parties I used to strike myself on the head repeatedly with blunt instruments while crooning. (sings) 'Only make believe, I love you, (hits himself on head with bricks) Only make believe that you love me, (hits himself) Others find peace of mind...'

Open your hymnal to page 7 and join us in singing “The Ferret Song” Verse 2

I've got a ferret sticking up my nose,  And what is worse it constantly explodes
Ferrets don't explode you say,  But it happened nine times yesterday
And I should know 'cause each time,  I was standing in the way

I've got a ferret sticking up my nose,  I've got a ferret sticking up my nose
How it got there I can't tell,  But now it's there it hurts like hell
And what is more it radically affects,  My sense of smell

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 38 page 223 where the prophets say … spot the looney

Presenter: Yes, you're right. The answer was, of course, number two! (cut to stock film of Women's Institute applauding) I'm afraid there's been an error in our computer. The correct answer should of course have been number four, and not Katy Boyle. Katy Boyle is not a loony, she is a television personality. (fanfare as for historical pageant; a historical-looking shield comes up on screen) And now it's time for 'Spot the Loony, historical adaptation'. (historical music) And this time it's the thrilling medieval romance 'Ivanoe'... a stirring story of love and war, violence and chivalry, set midst the pageantry and splendour of thirteenth-century England. All you have to do is, 'Spot the Loony'.

CAPTION: 'IVANOE'

(Cut to a butcher shop. A loony stands in the middle (this is the same loony from 'Silly Election' with enormous trousers and arms inside them and green fright wig). Another loony in a long vest down to his knees with a little frilly tutu starting at the knees and bare feet is dancing with a side of beef also wearing a tutu. Another loony in oilskins with waders and sou 'water ard fairy wings is flying across the top of picture. Another man dressed us a bee is standing on the counter. Another loony is dressed as a carrot leaning against the counter going: 'pretty boy, pretty boy'. A cocophony of noise. We see this sight for approximately five seconds. Fantastic loud buzzes.)

Presenter: Yes, well done, Mrs L of Leicester, Mrs B of Buxton and Mrs G of Gotwick, the loony was of course the writer, Sir Walter Scott.

Homily  Welcome back Parishioners for our second look at “The Rise of the Machines”.  This week we will look at the actual “droids” being constructed and released on this “Good Earth”.  Naturally, at the heart of the pogrom is the military and here is an example of the sort of “disruptive technologies” desired(https://mitchellaerospacepower.org/event/2-6-research-paper-release-the-need-for-collaborative-combat-aircraft-for-disruptive-air-warfare/).  This would quite literally be an “R2-D2” sort of creation, and remember R2 can both fly and fight in a fighter without Human involvement. 

Of course “friendly” little R2 units are not the only things the military has in the works.  Here is an example of the next generation from the famed robot dogs that appeared last decade (https://www.zerohedge.com/technology/we-promise-not-person-bodysuit).  Literally, “the rise of the terminators” right before your eyes. Just in case you have any notion of this all being benevolent, remember that the real cutting edge of this mess is actually taking place in such dependable places as Ukraine and Yemen as this story shows (https://www.yahoo.com/news/ai-begins-ushering-age-killer-120601006.html).  We all know that these governments love and respect us so they would never turn their battle field developments loose on us – right? 

And of course some reprobate scientist who has fantasized about living in the terminator world has to add their two bits into the soup by creating the lab grown “human flesh” that will eventually be used to “house” the terminators (https://www.zerohedge.com/technology/nothing-see-here-just-smiling-robot-face-made-living-human-flesh).  At least they are jumping directly to the T-800 models which should bring about the end results more ‘smoothly’. 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.