The Eighth Week of Ordinary Time

 

All are Welcome to rejoice and enjoy our first week of Pythonalia.  Pythonalia is the six week (in honor of the six holy prophets) celebration of our religion's rich history and impact on civilization.  

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that joyful rendition I know the two now departed prophets heard and enjoyed your voices raised in praise.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 5 page 60 where the prophets say: 

(We see a young man playing chess with another young man. They are in an ordinary flat. There is a tremendous battering, banging, hammering and clattering at the door.)

Young Man (Eric Idle): Door's open.

Policeman (Graham Chapman): Oh. Yes. (he enters) All right. All right, all right, all right. My name's Police Constable Henry Thatcher, and this is a raid. I have reason to believe that there are certain substances on the premises.

Young Man: Well what sort of substances officer?

Policeman: Er... certain substances.

Young Man: Well, what sort of certain substances?

Policeman: Er, certain substances of an illicit nature.

Young Man: Er, could you be more specific?

Policeman: I beg your pardon?

Young Man: Could you be 'clearer'.

Policeman: Oh, oh... yes, er... certain substances on the premises to be removed for clinical tests.

Young Man: Have you got anything particular in mind?

Policeman: Well what have you got?

 

Please open your hymnal to page 7 and join us in singing “The Ferret Song” Verse 2

I've got a ferret sticking up my nose,  (It starts singing when he wears his formal clothes)

I can almost stand the noise,  But at parties it destroys My hard-earned and carefully cultivated social poise

I've got a ferret sticking up my nose,  (Worst of all it constantly explodes),  Ferrets don't explode you say,  But it happened nine times yesterday
And I should know for each time I was standing in the way,  I've got a ferret sticking up my nose,  (He's got a ferret sticking up his nose)
How it got there I can't tell,  But now it's there it hurts like hell,  And what's more it radically affects my sense of smell 

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 32 page 126 where the prophets say …

Policeman: I think the domed helmet wins every time over the flattened job, you know, even when they're three cornered ... (suddenly his eyes light on two office secretaries opening their packed lunch on a nearby seat) ... you want something to eat?

Reporter: (sensing what's going to happen, hurriedly) Well no, er really ...

Policeman: (approaching the girls and getting out his notebook) Hang on. You can't park here you know.

Women: (bewildered) We're not parked!

Policeman: No parked! What's that then?

Women: That's our lunch.

Policeman: Right. I'm taking that in for forensic examination.

Women: Why?

Policeman: Because it might have been used as a murder weapon, that's why! (the girls look at each other; the policeman grabs their lunch) Yeah, not bad. Could be worse. (to the reporter) Beer?

Reporter: (desperately) No, no, please ... honestly ... please ...

(The policeman walks off. There is a crash of breaking glass. An alarm bell starts to ring. The reporter winces. The policeman walks into shot again, holding two bottles of beer. He sits down, opens the beers with his teeth and hands one to reporter who is very embarrassed.)

Policeman: Now, the Chaldeans, who used to inhabit the area in between the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, their helmets were of the modular restrained kind of type ...

Homily  As we start another liturgical year I thought it appropriate to look into the current state of Religion around our world.   Starting in Europe, I will forgo the ubiquitous Muslim “migrants” burning down Christian churches and instead look at a different religion being persecuted in the other end of Europe, namely Ukraine.  As it turns out President (he still has the title because he will not allow and election due to the ongoing situation of the war with Russia, that he says he is winning) Zelensky has decided to begin persecuting the Russian Orthodox Church in Ukraine (https://www.npr.org/2023/09/30/1201065400/ukraine-russian-orthodox-church-tensions).  Because NOTHING says “we are aggrieved” like trampling on someone else’s religious rights.  What a great way of demonstrating to the world that ethnic Russians living in Ukraine are completely safe! 

Moving Eastward, and South, we find the Middle East.  Once again eschewing the expected Muslims in their home burning down Christion Churches, I will call attention to a rising new religious phenomenon in the region, (https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/iraq-cracks-down-lottery-based-suicide-cult-has-seen-dozens-deaths  And now Shia has its loonies emerging).   Yes it seems that destitute Shia Muslims are being preyed upon by their charismatic religious leaders and agreeing to join “suicide lotteries” (https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/iraq-cracks-down-lottery-based-suicide-cult-has-seen-dozens-deaths).  Since their governments offer them no hope these poor deranged individuals are listening to the religious whackos that are omnipresent in all religious groups. 

Finally, even in the United States, the number of attacks on Religious groups have gotten so frequent that people are starting to form “faith based” security companies to try and safe guard people just trying to attend church (https://www.zerohedge.com/political/wake-call-amid-growing-violence-more-churches-turn-faith-based-security-groups).  When attacking churches seems like a good idea to people in the “criminal class” the options open to faith based groups are truly limited.  Let us just hope that these religious groups remember to “Praise the Lord” before they “Pass the ammunition”! 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.