Week Four of Pythonalia

 

All are Welcome to rejoice and enjoy our fourth week of Pythonalia.  Pythonalia is the six week (in honor of the six holy prophets) celebration of our religion's rich history and impact on civilization.  

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that Airy rendition it lifted my soul as I soared to the pulpit.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode17 page 231 where the prophets say …

 Chemist: (JOHN) Right. I've got some of your prescriptions here. Er, who's got the pox? (nobody reacts) ... Come on, who's got the pox ... come on... (a man timidly puts his hand up) . .. there you go. (throws bottle to the man with his hand up) Who's got a boil on the bum... boil on the botty. (throws bottle to the only man standing up) Who's got the chest rash? (a woman with a large bosom puts up hand) Have to get a bigger bottle. Who's got wind? (throws bottle to a man sitting on his own) Catch.

(Caption on the screen: 'THE CHEMIST SKETCH - AN APOLOGY')

Voice Over: The BBC would like to apologize for the poor quality of the writing in that sketch. It is not BBC policy to get easy laughs with words like bum, knickers, botty or wee-wees. (laughs off camera) Ssssh!

(Cut to a man standing by a screen with a clicker.)

BBC Man: These are the words that are not to be used again on this programme

(He clicks the clicker. On screen appear the following slides:)
B*M    B*TTY    P*X    KN*CKERS    W**-W**    SEMPRINI

(A girl comes into shot.)

Girl: Semprini!?

BBC Man: (pointing) Out!

Please open your hymnal to page 6 and join us in singing “Dennis Moore” Verses 3 & 5

Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,  Dum dum dum the night
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,  Dum de dum dum plight
He steals dum dum dum,  And dum dum dum dee
Dennis dum, Dennis dee, dum dum dum …
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,  Riding through the land
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,  Without a merry band
He steals from the poor,  And gives to the rich
Stupid bitch

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 36 page 186 where the prophets say …

(We see a table outside a restaurant. A young couple are sitting blissfully at it.)

She: It's nice here, darling, isn't it.     He: It's beautiful, it's Paris all over again.

(Enter a vicar, dressed normally but has bald wig with fright hair at sides. He carries a suitcase.)

Vicar: Excuse me, do you mind if I join you?     He: Er, no... no... no... not at all.

Vicar: Are you sure you don't mind?     He: Yes, yes, absolutely.

Vicar: You're sure I won't be disturbing you?     He: No, no.

Vicar: You're absolutely sure I won't be disturbing you?     She: No, no really.

Vicar: Good. Because I don't want to disturb you. Specially as you're being so kind about me not disturbing you.

He: Oh, no, no, we don't mind, do we, darling?     She: Oh no, darling.

Vicar: Good, so I can go ahead and join you then? Can I?     Both: Yes ... yes...

Vicar: Won't be disturbing?     Both: No. No.

Vicar: Good, good. You're very kind. (he sits down) A lot of people are far less understanding than you are. A lot of people take offense even when I talk to them. (he makes strange gestures with his hands) Let alone when I specifically tell them about my being disturbing.

He: ... Well, it's not particularly disturbing.

Vicar: No, absolutely, absolutely, that's what I always say. (he produces plates from his case and smashes them on the table) But you'd be amazed at the number of people who really don't want me - I mean, even doing this (he produces a rubber crab suspended from a ping-pong paddle and a rubber baby doll and bobs them up and down, making loud silly noises as he does so) gets people looking at me in the most extraordinary way. (he breaks more plates and squirts shaving cream over his head; he and she get up to leave)

Homily  Parishioners, it seems that however this election turns out, the real year of interest will be 2027.  For many years now “Winne T. Pooh” over in China has been commanding his military to be ready for war with The U.S. in 2027. Now the message has become such a trope that the U.S. Navy is quoting it in their 2024 “NAVPLAN” (https://www.navy.mil/Portals/1/CNO/NAVPLAN2024/Files/CNO_NAVPLAN_2024_50Sat.pdf?ver=wcI10aP6LiEoojJZz-2qXA%3d%3d).  The U.S. Navy claims that it will be “more than ready.”  Well in everything except manpower! 

To demonstrate just how “ready” the Navy isa story has recently broken that back in late 2023 for 17 straight days a “Swarm” of drones controlled by unknown people flew of Norfolk naval Yards, among other off limit military bases in the area including Langley Air Force Base (https://www.wsj.com/politics/national-security/drones-military-pentagon-defense-331871f4).  Who controlled these drones and what country they worked for is still unknown.  None of our armed forces could devise a plan to try and stop the fly over either!  The very Definition of “Ready” if you ask me! 

Lest, gentle parishioner, you think that it is just the U.S. Navy that is a bit mired down, here is a story about our army’s “preparations”.  The current commandant of West Point is under investigation for impaired driving among other things.  As the review of his performance continued it was discovered that he allowed an avowed “Communist” to graduate from West Point during his term (https://www.zerohedge.com/political/west-point-selectively-censors-information-violation-federal-law).  It seems that there has developed a problem at West Point!  I am unclear as to how allowing a Communist to attend, let along graduate form West Point serves our national readiness with the China Treat looming. 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.