The third week of Pythonalia

 

All are Welcome to rejoice and enjoy our third week of Pythonalia.  Pythonalia is the six week (in honor of the six holy prophets) celebration of our religion's rich history and impact on civilization.  

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that Monotone rendition it really fits the air of todays service - flat.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 21 page 286 where the prophets say …

Roy (Eric Idle): (voice over) The mosquito's a clever little bastard. You can track him for days and days until you really get to know him like a friend. He knows you're there, and you know he's there. It's a game of wits. You hate him, then you respect him, then you kill him.

(Cut to Hank Spim who stands peering toward the horizon. Suddenly he points.)

Voice Over: Suddenly Hank spots the mosquito they're after.

(Dramatic music. Crash zoom along Hank's eyeline to as big a close-up as we can get of a patch in a perfectly ordinary field. Cut back to Hank and Roy starting to crawl towards some bushes.)

Voice Over: Now more than ever, they must rely on the skills they have learnt from a lifetime's hunting. (tense music, as they worm their way forward) Hank gauges the wind. (shot of Hank doing complicated wind gauging biz.) Roy examines the mosquito's spoor. (shot of Roy examining the ground intently) Then... (Roy fires a bazooka. Hank fires off a machine gun; a series of almighty explosions in the small patch of field; the gunfire stops and the smoke begins to clear) It's a success. The mosquito now is dead. (Hank and Roy approach the scorched and blackened patch in the field) But Roy must make sure. (Roy points machine gun at head of mosquito and fires off another few rounds)

Roy: There's nothing more dangerous than a wounded mosquito.

Please open your hymnal to page 13 and join us in singing “Eric the half a Bee”  second Verse

Is this wretched demi-bee,  Half-asleep upon my knee,

Some freak from a menagerie?  No! It's Eric the half a bee!

 Fiddle de dum, Fiddle de dee,  Eric the half a bee.

Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,  Eric the half a bee.

 I love this hive, employee-ee,  Bisected accidentally,

One summer afternoon by me,  I love him carnally.

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 32 page 129 where the prophets say …

Second Interviewer: Hello. I'm sorry about my colleague's rather unconventional behaviour just now, but things haven't been too easy for him recently, trouble at home, rather confidential so I can't give you all the details... interesting though they are... three bottles of rum with his Weetabix, and so on, anyway... apparently the girl wasn't even ... anyway the activity you see behind me... it's the mother I feel sorry for. I'll start again. The activity you see behind me is part of the preparations for the new Naval Expedition to Lake Pahoe. The man in charge of this expedition is Vice Admiral Sir John Cunningham. Sir John, hello there.

Sir John (Graham Chapman): Ah, hello. Well first of all I'd like to apologize for the behaviour of certain of my colleagues you may have seen earlier, but they are from broken homes, circus families and so on and they are in no way representative of the new modern improved British Navy. They are a small vociferous minority; and may I take this opportunity of emphasizing that there is no cannibalism in the British Navy. Absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount, more than we are prepared to admit, but all new ratings are warned that if they wake up in the morning and find any toothmarks at all anywhere on their bodies, they're to tell me immediately so that I can immediately take every measure to hush the whole thing up. And, finally, necrophilia is right out. (the interviewer keeps nodding but looks embarrassed) Now, this expedition is primarily to investigate reports of cannibalism and necrophilia in... this expedition is primarily to investigate reports of unusual marine life in the as yet uncharted Lake Pahoe.

Homily  As America has been recently struck by two heavily damaging Hurricanes recently, I thought this was a good time to look at America’s state of “disaster preparedness” – which is to say UNPREPAREDNESS!  It turns out that with two weeks left to go in this year’s Hurricane season the U.S. agency charged with helping areas recover from natural disasters is BROKE (https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/mayorkas-warns-fema-funding-hurricane-season-114449475)!  That the Biden/Harris run agency is broke is not surprising, but what is are a couple of the major reasons they are broke.  First off it turns out that following direction from on high (the high?) FEMA gave all of its spare transformers to Ukraine to replace those damaged by Russian missile attacks.  I am sure that the people in Florida and North Carolina would like an explanation on why they will need to spend the next few weeks to months with electricity to aid Ukraine without congressional authorization.  Just incase that incompetence is not enough, FEMA also misallocated more then 640 Million dollars reserved for disaster relief to use for Illegal Aliens in the U.S.!  Once again I am sure that people in Florida will understand that they can not rebuild their house while Harris’ 10 million illegals get to live in Hotels and have free cell phones. 

Turns out that the previous 640 million was only a start.  Another 1.4 Billion dollars was also spent by FEMA on Illegals (https://nypost.com/2024/10/03/us-news/feds-say-theres-no-money-left-to-respond-to-hurricanes-after-fema-used-640-9m-this-year-on-migrants/).  I am sure that the people whose homes were burned down out west do not mind sleeping in shelters for an extended period of time, so long as the illegals can have their “regular” spending allowance every week. 

I guess that such expenditures make sense given the new priorities that the Biden/Harris team have instilled (https://www.fema.gov/sites/default/files/documents/fema_2022-2026-strategic-plan.pdf).  Since now the literal first goal of FEMA is to “Instill equity as a foundation of Emergency Management” need no longer matters.  Of course, pesky little details like actual citizenship are now completely meaningless, at least for as long as this current administration is in charge. 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.