The Third Week of Ordinary Time

 

Welcome to the Third week of Ordinary Time.

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that spirited rendition on a cold day like this every little bit helps warm the altar area.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 17 page 222 where the prophets say: 

Second City Gent	Quite agree. Quite agree.
Mr Leavey	Thank you very much. Thank you. (he shakes hands with them in an extraordinary way)
Mr Wiggin	(at door) It opens doors, I'm telling you.
Voice Over	Let's have a look at that handshake again in slow motion.
	CAPTION: 'BBC TV ACTION REPLAY' They do the handshake again, only slowly.
First Voice Over	What other ways are there of recognizing a mason?
	Shot from camera concealed in a car so we get reactions of passers-by. A busy city street - i.e. Threadneedle Street. In amongst the throng four city gents are leaping along with their trousers round their ankles. They are wearing bowler hats and pinstripes. Another city street or another part of the same street. Two city gents, with trousers rolled up to the knee, approach each other and go into the most extraordinary handshake which involves rolling on the floor etc.
Second Voice Over	Having once identified a mason immediate steps must be taken to isolate him from the general public. Having accomplished that it is now possible to cure him of these unfortunate masonic tendencies through the use of behavioural psychotherapy. (we see a cartoon city gent locked into a cell) In this treatment the patient is rewarded for the correct response and punished for the wrong one. Let us begin. Would you like to give up being a mason? Think carefully. Think. Think.
Cartoon City Gent	No.
	A large hammer attacks the city gent.
Voice	No? That's wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! No! No! No! Bad! Bad!

Open the Blue insert in your hymnal page K and join us in singing “Knights of the Round Table” verse 1

We're Knights of the Round Table,  We dance when ere we're able
We do routines and chorus scenes,  With footwork impeccable

We dine well here in Camelot,  We eat ham and jam and spam a lot

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 42 page 285 where the prophets say …

Mrs Elizabeth III: (Terry J.) Yes, repeats or war films. It really makes you want to micturate.

Mrs Mock Tudor: People on television treat the general public like idiots.

Mrs Elizabeth III: Well we are idiots.

Mrs Mock Tudor: Oh no we are not!

Mrs Elizabeth III: Well I am.

Mrs Mock Tudor: How do you know you're an idiot?

Mrs Elizabeth III: Oh, I can show you!

Mrs Mock Tudor: How?

Mrs Elizabeth III: Look!

Chief Executive (Terry J.): You see the public are idiots ... (he has a conference tag on his lapel which reads `Chief TV Planner'; he turns from the window to a conference table, piled with drinks) Yes ... you might just as well show them the last five miles of the M2 ... they'd watch it, eh?

Homily  Dear Parishioners, this week I thought we would check in on a reoccurring theme in the ministry, the constant doom and gloom that is associated with the “climate change” scam.  In particular I thought we should examine some of the plans for humanity’s future according to the elites.  Since this week is American “Thanksgiving”, I will start with a recent piece of bloviation calling for us to stop eating all meat as it is bad for the ecology (https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2024-11-28/americans-gobble-too-much-meat-fueling-a-climate-crisis-here-s-how-to-cut-back).  Yes, that is the story.  According to the all ‘Amerikan’ volk at Bloomberg all of us average people just eat too much meat and it is sparking the climate problem.  Of course the owner of this legacy media service owns multiple jets, yachts and homes, so he is “living by example” for the rest of us and demonstrating just how much he is concerned with the environment. 

Meanwhile, over in Britain, Lord Starmer is hatching a plan to replace meat (at least for the little people) with BUGS (https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/08/28/government-backed-research-centre-public-insects-lab-grown/#:~:text=A%20research%20centre%20backed%20by,more%20palatable%20to%20the%20public.)!  Naturally, while we all eat bugs and learn to appreciate the finer points of our options for sauces, Lord Starmer and his cronies in government will continue to eat beef.  Once we all learn our place in the “system” it will all make sense, I am sure. 

Of course, the legacy types are all about advancing the “climate change” narrative.  But every once in a while, it is amusing to see them screw up the attempt.  In a recent Washington Post story about our ever “human heating planet” the story tellers managed to reference an actual scientific paper which demonstrates the fiction of their narrative (https://www.washingtonpost.com/climate-environment/2024/09/19/earth-temperature-global-warming-planet/).  It turns out that when you look back at the last 500 million years of Earth temperatures, we are at the “COLDEST” we have ever been!  Yet somehow, we still need to eat bugs for the “future of the planet”.  Or at least Lords Starmer and Bloombergs’ stock portfolios! 

 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.