The Fifth Week of Pythonalia

 

All are Welcome to rejoice and enjoy our Fifth week of Pythonalia.  Pythonalia is the six week (in honor of the six holy prophets) celebration of our religion's rich history and impact on civilization.  

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that Airy rendition it lifted my soul as I soared to the pulpit.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode17 page 231 where the prophets say …

 Chemist: (JOHN) Right. I've got some of your prescriptions here. Er, who's got the pox? (nobody reacts) ... Come on, who's got the pox ... come on... (a man timidly puts his hand up) . .. there you go. (throws bottle to the man with his hand up) Who's got a boil on the bum... boil on the botty. (throws bottle to the only man standing up) Who's got the chest rash? (a woman with a large bosom puts up hand) Have to get a bigger bottle. Who's got wind? (throws bottle to a man sitting on his own) Catch.

(Caption on the screen: 'THE CHEMIST SKETCH - AN APOLOGY')

Voice Over: The BBC would like to apologize for the poor quality of the writing in that sketch. It is not BBC policy to get easy laughs with words like bum, knickers, botty or wee-wees. (laughs off camera) Ssssh!

(Cut to a man standing by a screen with a clicker.)

BBC Man: These are the words that are not to be used again on this programme

(He clicks the clicker. On screen appear the following slides:)
B*M    B*TTY    P*X    KN*CKERS    W**-W**    SEMPRINI

(A girl comes into shot.)

Girl: Semprini!?

BBC Man: (pointing) Out!

Please open your hymnal to page 27 and join us in singing “A Plea For Tolerance and Understanding: in a world full of F**king Loonies!” 

Never be rude to and Arab, An Israeli, or Saudi, or Jew,

Never be rude to an Irishman, no matter what you do, …

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 36 page 186 where the prophets say …

(We see a table outside a restaurant. A young couple are sitting blissfully at it.)

She: It's nice here, darling, isn't it.     He: It's beautiful, it's Paris all over again.

(Enter a vicar, dressed normally but has bald wig with fright hair at sides. He carries a suitcase.)

Vicar: Excuse me, do you mind if I join you?     He: Er, no... no... no... not at all.

Vicar: Are you sure you don't mind?     He: Yes, yes, absolutely.

Vicar: You're sure I won't be disturbing you?     He: No, no.

Vicar: You're absolutely sure I won't be disturbing you?     She: No, no really.

Vicar: Good. Because I don't want to disturb you. Specially as you're being so kind about me not disturbing you.

He: Oh, no, no, we don't mind, do we, darling?     She: Oh no, darling.

Vicar: Good, so I can go ahead and join you then? Can I?     Both: Yes ... yes...

Vicar: Won't be disturbing?     Both: No. No.

Vicar: Good, good. You're very kind. (he sits down) A lot of people are far less understanding than you are. A lot of people take offense even when I talk to them. (he makes strange gestures with his hands) Let alone when I specifically tell them about my being disturbing.

He: ... Well, it's not particularly disturbing.

Vicar: No, absolutely, absolutely, that's what I always say. (he produces plates from his case and smashes them on the table) But you'd be amazed at the number of people who really don't want me - I mean, even doing this (he produces a rubber crab suspended from a ping-pong paddle and a rubber baby doll and bobs them up and down, making loud silly noises as he does so) gets people looking at me in the most extraordinary way. (he breaks more plates and squirts shaving cream over his head; he and she get up to leave)

Homily Parishioners, recently the Democan Party “operatives” have been making some very odd choices, but perhaps I have puzzled out what is going on.  My first example of these behaviors is The Virginia Attorney General Candidate who gets caught fantasizing about shooting a Repudicrat law maker and his family (https://www.zerohedge.com/political/two-bullets-head-dem-ag-nominee-jay-jones-fantasized-about-shooting-republican-lawmaker).  Yet he continues in the campaign because his handlers tell him he can win despite this revelation. 

Next, A Democan appointee “bench unit” was recently brought a case of a humanoid that tried to take out a 45,000$ contract to kill the current Attorney General of the United States (https://www.zerohedge.com/political/biden-judge-releases-man-who-ordered-45k-hit-pam-bondi).  The “bench unit” decreed that the accused be released on bond with the ridiculous order that they stay off the internet.  This order is completely (il)logical because the accused is an avowed anarchist and was arranging the assassination over the internet!

Next up in that bastion of Democan politics Boston, a recent “street take over” turned into an assault on the local cops including assaults on officers and a cruiser being set on fire (https://www.foxnews.com/us/blue-city-street-takeover-suspects-torched-police-cruiser-hell-bent-attack-cops-union-chief).  Naturally, since this was a “blue city/state” the media trotted out the old tried and true “mostly peaceful” phrase to describe the event! 

So how do all these events line up you might ask?  Well recently the New York Times reported that Democan voter registration has imploded (https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/20/us/politics/democratic-party-voter-registration-crisis.html).  So perhaps the linkage is that the Democans have decided to try and start their next Civil War before they lose any more “useful Idiots”. 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.