The First Week of Ordinary Time

 

Welcome to the first week of Ordinary Time.  

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that Ragtime rendition I enjoyed jazz hands all the way to the pulpit.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 23 page 315 where the prophets say: 

(Cut instantly to sky. CAPTION: 'SCOTT OF THE SAHARA')

Voice Over: Booming out of the pages of history comes a story of three men and one woman whose courage shocked a generation.

(Blinding sun. Pan down to Paignton beach. Scott, Evans, Oates and Bowers wearing furs crossing sand on snow shoes. With sledge pulled by motley selection of mongrel dogs, badly disguised as huskies.)

Voice Over: From the same team that brought you ... (the names come out superimposed) 'Lawrence of Glareorgan' ... 'Bridge Over the River Trent' ... 'The Mad Woman of Biggleswade' ... and 'Krakatoa, East of Leamington' ... comes the story of three people and a woman united by fate who set out in search of the fabled Pole of the Sahara and found ... themselves. See ... Lieutenant Scott's death struggle with a crazed desert lion.

(The four are walking along. Suddenly they stop, stare, and react in horror. Scott steps to the front to defend the others. Intercut, non-matching stock shot of lion running out of jungle and leaping at camera. Scott waits poised and is then struck by completely rigid stuffed lion. Montage of shots of him wrestling, firstly with the stuffed lion, then with an actor in a tatty lion suit. The lion picks up a chair, fends Scott off, smashes it over his head. Finally Scott kicks the lion on the shin. The lion leaps around on one leg and picks up a knife. Scott points, the lion looks, Scott kicks the knife out of the lion's paw. He advances on the lion, and socks him on the jaw. The lion collapses in slow motion. After a pause, phoney blood spurts out.)

Voice Over: See Ensign Oates' frank adult death struggle with the spine-chilling giant electric penguin...

(Oates looks up in horror, a shadow crosses him. Reverse shot of model penguin [quite small, about a foot] which lights up and looks electric. The penguin is close to the camera in the foreground and appears huge. Oates looks around desperately then starts to undress. Shot of penguin throwing tentacle. Half-nude Oates struggles with it. Intercut a lot of phoney reverses. Oates by now clad only in posing briefs sees a stone. He picks up the stone, then camera zooms into above-naval shot; he removes his briefs, puts the stone in the briefs, twirls it like a sling, and releases stone. The penguin is hit on beak, and falls over backwards.)

Please open your hymnal to page 29 and join us in singing “Finland”  Verse 3

You're so sadly neglected,  And often ignored,
A poor second to Belgium,  When going abroad.

Finland, Finland, Finland,  The country where I quite want to be,
Your mountains so lofty,  Your treetops so tall,
Finland, Finland, Finland,  Finland has it all.

 Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 45 page 332 where the prophets say … 

Man: Come on, please try some.

Dad: All right I'll have some Icelandic Honey.

Man: No, there is no such thing.

Dad: You mean you don't make any honey at all?

Man: No, no, we must import it all. Every bally drop. We are a gloomy people. It's so crikey cold and dark up there, and only fish to eat. Fish and imported honey. Oh strewth!

Mother: Well why do you have a week?

Man: Listen Buster! In Reykyavik it is dark for eight months of the year, and it's cold enough to freeze your wrists off and there's only golly fish to eat. Administrative errors are bound to occur in enormous quantities. Look at this - it's all a mistake. It's a real pain in the sphincter! Icelandic HoneyWeek? My Life!

Mother: Well why do you come in here trying to flog the stuff, then?

Man: Listen Cowboy. I got a job to do. It's a stupid, pointless job but at least it keeps me away from Iceland, all right? The leg of the worker bee has... (They slam the door on him. Someone rather like Jeremy Thorpe looks round the door and waves as they do so.)

Homily Parishioners, the continued drumbeat for war spreads across the western world almost daily it seems.  As the father of multiple children of draft age this is a significant concern for me personally.  But I do feel that it should be a concern for all as such a war would have catastrophic results.  Recently Sweden’s defense minister began calling for NATO countries to prepare their citizens for “war mode” (https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/sweden-tells-citizens-prepare-war-mode).  In their words these preparations should be in both “thought and action”!  Unfortunately, some NATO countries are doing just that. As an example Germany is starting a process of reinstating the universal conscription rules from the Cold War Days (https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/germany-marches-toward-reinstating-military-conscription-starting-fitness-database).  Since we all know that German Armies have never been a problem in the past this can only be seen as a calming influence.  Humorously the article points out that German citizens will be required to serve, but migrants will NOT!  Instead continuing to lounge about and devastate Germany internally while its men are off dying in the next war.  Sounds like a great plan?

In the Baltic States a ludicrous plan was recently announced to relocate their citizenry (https://www.reuters.com/business/aerospace-defense/baltic-states-plan-mass-evacuations-case-russian-attack-2025-10-10/).  The plan calls for moving their non combatant population into other NATO nations.  I am sure that the Russians will allow extra time for the civilians to be evacuated before they invade.  Furthermore, Canada just announced a plan to draft up 300,000 public employees “in the event of a war” (https://ottawacitizen.com/public-service/defence-watch/canadian-military-public-servants Canada to draft their public employees to supplement their military “in the event of a war”.  We all knew we really do not need the WOGS, now a government admits it).  I am sure that the unionized works will be very happy about this, but perhaps they can then “unionize” the Canadian military?  All rational people have long know that we really do not need “WOGS” (Workers On Government Salary), but it is nice to see that a government now agrees as these “recruits” would not be able to perform the “Civil” duties while meeting their military obligations. 

On a similar, but more ominous note the U.S. military has begin training ground forces for jungle combat for the first time in decades – since the Vietnam War (https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/pentagon-sends-us-ground-forces-train-panamas-jungle/story?id=127314276).  It remains to be seen whether this is just a general precaution, or part of a build up for something in either Venezuela or Nigeria.  But lets hope that Trump continues his non military adventurous ways from his first administration.   

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.