Sixth Week of Pythonalia

 

All are Welcome to rejoice and enjoy our Sixth and final week of Pythonalia.  Pythonalia is the six week (in honor of the six holy prophets) celebration of our religion's rich history and impact on civilization.  

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that spiritual rendition it warmed my heart as I walked to the pulpit.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 12 page 148 where the prophets say: 

Host (Michael Palin): Good evening. Tonight 'Spectrum' looks at one of the major problems in the world today - the whole vexed question of what is going on. Is there still time to confront it, let alone solve it, or is it too late? What are the figures, what are the facts, what do people mean when they talk about things? Alexander Hardacre of the Economic Affairs Bureau.

(Cut to equally intense pundit in front of a graph with three different coloured columns with percentages at the top. He talks with great authority)

Hardacre (Graham Chapman): In this graph, this column represents 23% of the population. This column represents 28% of the population, and this column represents 43% of the population.

(Cut back to presenter.)

Host: Telling figures indeed, but what do they mean to you, what do they mean to me, what do they mean to the average man in the street? With me now is Professor Tiddles of Leeds University.

(Pull out to reveal bearded professor sitting next to presenter.)

Host: Professor, you've spent many years researching into things, what do you think?

Professor (John Cleese): I think it's too early to tell.

 

Please open your hymnal to page 30 and join us in singing “All Things Dull & Ugly”  Verses 3 & 4

All things sick and cancerous,   All evil great and small,

All things foul and dangerous,   The Lord God made them all.

 

Each nasty little hornet,   Each beastly little squid,

Who made the spikey urchin?   Who made the (Democrats)? He did!

 

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 25 page 16 where the prophets say …

(Text on screen: In 1970, the British Empire lay in ruins, and foreign nationalists frequented the streets - many of them Hungarians (not the streets - the foreign nationals). Anyway, many of these Hungarians went into tobacconist's shops to buy cigarettes....)

A Hungarian tourist (John Cleese) approaches the clerk (Terry Jones). The tourist is reading haltingly from a phrase book.

Hungarian: I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

Clerk: Sorry?

Hungarian: I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

Clerk: Uh, no, no, no. This is a tobacconist's.

Hungarian: Ah! I will not buy this tobacconist's, it is scratched.

Clerk: No, no, no, no. Tobacco... um... cigarettes (holds up a pack).

Hungarian: Ya! See-gar-ets! Ya! Uh... My hovercraft is full of eels.

Clerk: What?

Hungarian: My hovercraft (pantomimes puffing a cigarette)... is full of eels (pretends to strike a match).

Clerk: Ahh, matches!

Hungarian: Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya! Do you waaaaant... do you waaaaaant... to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?

Clerk: Here, I don't think you're using that thing right.

 

Homily  So, as Greta Thunberg continues to wail at Western governments, which idiotically continue to pay attention to the idiot, I have noted that Greta is ignoring the two largest polluting nations in the world, whose pollution amounts increase with every year (China and India).  As that fish slapping dance goes on endlessly a real scientific crisis seems to be underway – the whales are trying to kills us (https://www.yahoo.com/news/orcas-sink-sailboat-ram-another-112127775.html)!  There have been more than 200 attacks, mostly by Orca Whales, and many around Portugal. 

The attacks had not only been increasing in frequency, but also increasing in effectiveness (https://www.yahoo.com/news/killer-whales-attack-sailboats-during-161500590.html).  That is until recently, this last week an attack took a leisurely 45 minutes to sink a Yacht, in what must have been a terrifying experience for those on board (https://www.yahoo.com/news/orcas-strike-back-again-sinking-232824117.html)!  I wonder what Greta thinks?

Perhaps, the Orcas have discovered a new “treat” in the sea and followed their bear and shark fellow carnivores (https://www.livescience.com/animals/sharks/cocaine-sharks-off-florida-may-be-feasting-on-dumped-bales-of-drugs)  If that is the case, I would expect that Gretta should stay off her heavy carbon footprint yacht for her own safety.  However, the Irony of Greta’s yacht joining the “ship graveyard” at the fins of Orcas would be humorous!

 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.