Week Five of Pythonalia
All are Welcome
to rejoice and enjoy our Fifth week of Pythonalia. Pythonalia is the six
week (in honor of the six holy prophets) celebration of our religion's rich
history and impact on civilization.
Please
open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional “O Lord
Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1
O LORD, please don’t burn us, Don’t grill or
toast your flock,
Don’t put us on the barbecue, Or simmer us in stock,
Don’t braise or bake or boil us, Or stir fry us in a
wok.
Thank you for that Airy
rendition it lifted my soul as I soared to the pulpit. Now please
open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode17 page 231 where the prophets say …
Chemist: (JOHN) Right. I've got some of your
prescriptions here. Er, who's got the pox? (nobody reacts) ... Come on, who's got the pox ...
come on... (a man timidly puts his hand up) . .. there you go. (throws bottle to the
man with his hand up) Who's
got a boil on the bum... boil on the botty. (throws bottle to the
only man standing up) Who's
got the chest rash? (a woman with a large bosom puts up hand) Have to get a bigger bottle. Who's
got wind? (throws bottle to a man sitting on his own) Catch.
B*M B*TTY P*X KN*CKERS W**-W** SEMPRINI
Please open your hymnal
to page 27 and join us in singing “A Plea For Tolerance and Understanding: in a
world full of F**king Loonies!”
Never be rude to and
Arab, An Israeli, or Saudi, or Jew,
Never be rude to an
Irishman, no matter what you do, …
Now please open The Holy
Text volume 2 to episode 36 page 186 where the prophets say …
(We see a table
outside a restaurant. A young couple are sitting blissfully at it.)
She: It's nice here,
darling, isn't it. He: It's beautiful, it's Paris
all over again.
(Enter a vicar,
dressed normally but has bald wig with fright hair at sides. He carries a
suitcase.)
Vicar: Excuse me, do you
mind if I join you? He: Er, no... no... no... not
at all.
Vicar: Are you sure you
don't mind? He: Yes, yes, absolutely.
Vicar: You're sure I
won't be disturbing you? He: No, no.
Vicar: You're absolutely
sure I won't be disturbing you? She: No, no
really.
Vicar: Good. Because I
don't want to disturb you. Specially as you're being so kind about me not
disturbing you.
He: Oh, no, no, we don't
mind, do we, darling? She: Oh no, darling.
Vicar: Good, so I can go
ahead and join you then? Can I? Both: Yes ...
yes...
Vicar: Won't be
disturbing? Both: No. No.
Vicar: Good, good.
You're very kind. (he sits down) A lot of people are far less understanding
than you are. A lot of people take offense even when I talk to them. (he makes strange gestures with his hands) Let alone when I specifically tell them
about my being disturbing.
He: ... Well, it's not
particularly disturbing.
Vicar: No, absolutely,
absolutely, that's what I always say. (he produces plates from his case and smashes them on the table) But you'd be amazed at the number of
people who really don't want me - I mean, even doing this (he produces a rubber crab suspended from a
ping-pong paddle and a rubber baby doll and bobs them up and down, making loud
silly noises as he does so) gets
people looking at me in the most extraordinary way. (he breaks more plates and squirts shaving
cream over his head; he and she get up to leave)
Homily After witnessing the Great and Powerful
Wizard Tim this week (John Cleese came to my town for a one night stand of his
comic bliss and witty observations. I
was motivated to attack the world wide evil known as “anthropomorphic Climate
Change”. So let is look at what our “green
revolution is really doing.
I thought we would
start with a simple look at “sustainable agriculture”, nothing could possibly
be wrong there right? WRONG! It turns out that a recent study found that as
fast as “sustainable agriculture” takes root in one location, it ends up
incentivizing unsustainable agriculture in another location (https://thebreakthrough.org/issues/food-agriculture-environment/conservation-vs-the-climate). Apparently
humans do not want to eat bugs and when we try and stuff them down people’s
throat it just causes real meat to be grown somewhere else. Imagine that, people like meat!
Next up it seems
that the attacks on plastics are unending and well founded. However, a recent study found that the simple
act of replacing plastic drinking straws with paper straws was exposing the
users of the paper drinking straws to “PFAS” (https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2023/08/28/paper-straws-worse-than-plastic-pfas-study/70702090007/)!
You would think that should be the “final straw”, but I doubt it.
Continuing this
line of inquiry, it turns out that the new batteries that are going to do away
with the internal combustion engine have a few problems of their own. First off, mining the rare earth metals for the
electronics is devastating the ecology of the regions mined (https://e360.yale.edu/features/boom_in_mining_rare_earths_poses_mounting_toxic_risks). As
if that is not bad enough much of the actual mining is done by CHILDREN (https://www.wilsoncenter.org/blog-post/drc-mining-industry-child-labor-and-formalization-small-scale-mining)! So
the “Green Revolution” is actually devastating the environment and based upon
child labor! I am sure that the Libtards
are so proud of what they are achieving.
As a “final touch”
on this cake of evil, the solar panels that pave the way to our “carbon less
future” employ slave labor (https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/08/business/economy/china-solar-companies-forced-labor-xinjiang.html)! So
the next time you hop into your electric car and drive the fifty miles you get
before its batteries die remember the: children who dies for its materials and
slaves who assembled the solar panels to harness your electricity! Have a great trip.
Amen
Please
join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn
Us” second verse.
Oh Please don’t lightly poach us, Or Baste us with hot
fat,
Don’t fricassee or roast us, Or boil us in
a vat,
And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord, In a
Rotissomat.
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