The Thirteenth Week of Ordinary Time

 

Welcome to the Thirteenth week of Ordinary Time.

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that smooth rendition it calmed my anger a bit.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 13 page 176 where the prophets say …

Squatter	Too much man, groovy, great scene. Great light show, baby.
Surgeon	What are you doing in there?
Squatter	We're doing our own thing, man.
Surgeon	Have you got Mr Nottob's permission to be in there?
Squatter	We're squatters, baby.
Surgeon	What? (to nurse about Notlob) Nurse, wake him up. (she slaps his face)
Squatter	Don't get uptight, man. Join the scene and other phrases. Money isn't real.
Surgeon	It is where I'm standing and it blows my mind, young lad. (looks inside Notlob) Good Lord! Is that a nude woman?
Squatter	She's doing an article on us for 'Nova', man.
Girl	(her head also appearing through slit) Hi everyone. Are you part of the scene?
Surgeon	Are you rolling your own jelly babies in there?

Open your hymnal to page 21 and join us in singing “Here comes another one” 

Here comes another one,  Here it comes again
Here comes another one,  When will it ever end?

I dunno whatever it is,  I've not seen one before
But here comes another one,  And here comes a bunch of 'em
Here comes another one,  Thank God I'm not having lunch with them

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 29 page 89 where the prophets say …

Man	I want to complain. ('Spreaders' who is just inside the door hits man on the head with a mallet) Ooh!
Spreaders	No, no, no, hold your head like this, and then go 'waaagh'! Try it again. (he hits him again)
Man	Waaghh!
Spreaders	Better. Better. But 'waaaaaghh'! 'Waaaagh'! Hold your hands here ...
Man	No!
Spreaders	Now. (hits him)
Man	Waagh!
Spreaders	That's it. That's it. Good.
Man	Stop hitting me!
Spreaders	What?
Man	Stop hitting me.
Spreaders	Stop hitting you?
Man	Yes.
Spreaders	What did you come in here for then?
Man	I came here to complain.
Spreaders	Oh I'm sorry, that's next door. It's being hit on the head lessons in here.
Man	What a stupid concept.

 

Homily  Parishioners, this week Sleepy Uncle Joe has managed to get his official title changed so let us walk through the events that brought this about.  The matter all started in the middle of the week when “Transcendentalist Uncle Joe” announced that he had met and spoke with Francois Mitterand the former President of France (https://www.yahoo.com/news/biden-tells-crowd-recently-met-234625101.html).  Specifically, Joe said that he met with Mitterand in 2021.  This is truly amazing because Francois Mitterand died in 1996, fully 25 years prior to this claimed meeting and discussion!  If this were the only mistake, perhaps it could be attributed to somehow confusing the name “Macron” (the current president of France whom Joe did meet with in 2021, with the very deceased Mitterand, I guess. 

Unfortunately, the man in theory running the free world did not stop there.  Later this week, when questioned about his memory because an independent investigation declared him mentally incompetent to stand trial for losing secret documents, Transcendental Joe fumed that his memory is fine (https://www.zerohedge.com/political/my-memory-fine-biden-fumes-confusing-egypts-sisi-president-mexico).  Transcendental Joe then went on to confuse the President of Egypt, Abdul al-Sisi, with the President of Mexico, Andres Obrador!  Specifically insisting that al-Sisi was the president of Mexico! 

However, all is not lost.  It also came out this week that Transcendental Joe IS creating “jobs”.  A gang of illegal aliens in New Jersey is charging other illegals $6,000 to smuggle them through the Canadian border and TO New Jersey (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13033933/new-jersey-people-smuggling-gang-canada-border-illegal-immigrants.html).  True Capitalistic spirit jobs creation.  The only thing more stunning is people paying to get INTO New Jersey, usually they have to pay to get OUT! 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.