The Fifth Week of Extra Ordinary Time

 

Welcome all to the Fifth week of Extra Ordinary Time. 

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for your spirited rendition of our processional, but this weeks sudden death of my beloved dog still leaves me feeling rather low, I appreciate the effort though.  

Please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 4 page 44 where the prophets say …

Cut to colonel: army recruitment posters on wall behind him.

Colonel

Right, cut to me. As Officer Commanding the Regular Army's Advertising Division, I object, in the strongest possible terms to this obvious reference to our own slogan 'It's a dog's life... (correcting himself rapidly) a man's life in the modern army' and I warn this programme that any recurrence of this sloppy long-haired civilian plagiarism will be dealt with most severely. Right, now on the command 'cut', the camera will cut to camera two, all right, director... (cut to a man sitting at desk) Wait for it! (cut back to colonel) Camera cut. (cut to man; he has a Viking helmet on)

 

Open your hymnal to page 38 and join us in singing “Accountancy Sea Shanty”

It can be manly in insurance,  We'll up your premium semi-annually
It's all tax deductible,  We're fairly incorruptible
We're sailing on the wide accountancy!

Oh, this is fun, Mr Cohen, fetch me another exotic cheroot,  Up, up, up your premium
Up, up, up your premium (Scribble away!),  Up, up, up your premium (And balance the books)

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 45 page 334 where the prophets say …

Brigadier	Dear Sir, I wish to protest in the strongest possible terms. Yours sincerely, Brigadier N. F. Marwood-Git (retired). Read that back, will you, Brian.
Bishop	And when he had built up Cedron, he sent Horsemen there, and an host of footmen to the end that issuing out they might make outroads upon the ways of Judea, as the King commanded them...
Brigadier	Good! Pop it in an envelope and bung it off! It's no good bottling these things up, Brian. If you feel them you must say them or you'll just go mad...
Bishop	Oh yes indeed ... as the book of Maccabee said ... Ye as the flea is like unto an oxen, so is the privet hedge liken unto a botanist black in thy sight, O Lord!
Brigadier	Quite... Look why don't you just nip out for lunch, Brian...
Bishop	Yea ... as Raymond Chandler said, it was one of those days when Los Angeles felt like a rock-hard fig.
Brigadier	Brian, let's stop this pretending, shall we.
Bishop	Oh... ye... as Dirk Bogarde said in his autobiography...
Brigadier	Brian... let's stop all this futile pretence... I've... I've always been moderately fond of you...
Bishop	Well to be quite frank, Brigadier ... one can't walk so closely with a chap like you for... for so long without... feeling something deep down inside, even if it isn't anything... anything ... very much.
Brigadier	Well, splendid... Brian... er... well I don't suppose there's much we can do, really.
Bishop	Not on television ... no...
Brigadier	No... they ... they are a lot more permissive these days than they used to be...
Bishop	Ah yes... but not with this sort of thing...
Brigadier	No ... I suppose they've ... got to draw the line somewhere...
Bishop	Yes...
Brigadier	Well take a letter, Brian. Dear Sir, I wish to protest...

 

Homily  After the “Demented Uncle Joe” promises of keeping the Red Sea open despite Houthi (Chinese backing) attacks and pressuring various nations to send naval elements to try and keep the vital choke point for international trade open, it appears that once again D.U.J. has been proven wrong by those pesky facts.  As evidence I offer this recent article indicating that major shippers have concluded D.U.J. can not fulfill his promises (https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/pentagons-operation-prosperity-guardian-falls-apart-spain-italy-france-reject-request).  When business chooses to pay more by extending their supply route, you know there is a problem. 

To further cripple D.U.J.’s effort he made the horrific choice to include the French in his naval efforts.  In case you have missed past Homilies on the French “Military” record, I will sum the situation up.  Feel free to look through the entirety of French History, but look as you might I guarantee that you will only find four plans ever used by the French.  These plans are as follows in the order they were developed: Run at the ENEMY, Hide (and hope they do not find you), Run at the Enemy SCREAMING, Surrender (this last was perfected in World War II).  Since D.U.J. chose to invite the French on his nautical misadventure, it only makes sense for the French to be the first nation to officially give up on the effort (https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/houthi-uninhibited-attacks-push-french-warship-exit-red-sea).  That is right, mere months into the operation the French have already opted for Plan Four – Surrender. 

Unfortunately for America’s permanent “Warhawks”, it appears that elements of the D.U.J. administration have also opted to follow the French example and appear to be heading for the exit (https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/stunning-biden-administration-waving-white-flag-red-sea-crisis).  No wonder the Neocons in both parties are turning on Joe! 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.