The First Week of Ordinary Time
Having concluded
our six week celebration of the Prophets, Pythonalia, we now turn to the first
week of Ordinary Time.
Please
open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional “O Lord
Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1
O LORD, please don’t burn us, Don’t grill or
toast your flock,
Don’t put us on the barbecue, Or simmer us in stock,
Don’t braise or bake or boil us, Or stir fry us in a
wok.
Thank you for a
raucous rendition it energized my steps to the pulpit. Now please open
The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 23 page 315 where the prophets say:
(Cut instantly
to sky. CAPTION: 'SCOTT OF THE SAHARA')
Voice Over:
Booming out of the pages of history comes a story of three men and one woman
whose courage shocked a generation.
(Blinding sun.
Pan down to Paignton beach. Scott, Evans, Oates and Bowers wearing furs
crossing sand on snow shoes. With sledge pulled by motley selection of mongrel
dogs, badly disguised as huskies.)
Voice Over:
From the same team that brought you ... (the names come out
superimposed) 'Lawrence of Glareorgan' ... 'Bridge Over the River
Trent' ... 'The Mad Woman of Biggleswade' ... and 'Krakatoa, East of
Leamington' ... comes the story of three people and a woman united by fate who
set out in search of the fabled Pole of the Sahara and found ... themselves.
See ... Lieutenant Scott's death struggle with a crazed desert lion.
(The four are
walking along. Suddenly they stop, stare, and react in horror. Scott steps to
the front to defend the others. Intercut, non-matching stock shot of lion
running out of jungle and leaping at camera. Scott waits poised and is then
struck by completely rigid stuffed lion. Montage of shots of him wrestling,
firstly with the stuffed lion, then with an actor in a tatty lion suit. The
lion picks up a chair, fends Scott off, smashes it over his head. Finally Scott
kicks the lion on the shin. The lion leaps around on one leg and picks up a
knife. Scott points, the lion looks, Scott kicks the knife out of the lion's
paw. He advances on the lion, and socks him on the jaw. The lion collapses in
slow motion. After a pause, phoney blood spurts out.)
Voice Over:
See Ensign Oates' frank adult death struggle with the spine-chilling giant
electric penguin...
(Oates looks
up in horror, a shadow crosses him. Reverse shot of model penguin [quite small,
about a foot] which lights up and looks electric. The penguin is close to the
camera in the foreground and appears huge. Oates looks around desperately then
starts to undress. Shot of penguin throwing tentacle. Half-nude Oates struggles
with it. Intercut a lot of phoney reverses. Oates by now clad only in posing
briefs sees a stone. He picks up the stone, then camera zooms into above-naval
shot; he removes his briefs, puts the stone in the briefs, twirls it like a
sling, and releases stone. The penguin is hit on beak, and falls over
backwards.)
You're so sadly
neglected, And often ignored,
A poor second to Belgium, When going abroad.
Finland, Finland,
Finland, The country where I quite want to be,
Your mountains so lofty, Your treetops so tall,
Finland, Finland, Finland, Finland has it all.
Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 45 page 332 where the prophets say …
Man: Come on, please try some.
Dad: All right I'll have some Icelandic Honey.
Man: No, there is no such thing.
Dad: You mean you don't make any honey at all?
Man: No, no, we must import it all. Every bally drop. We are
a gloomy people. It's so crikey cold and dark up there, and only fish to eat.
Fish and imported honey. Oh strewth!
Mother: Well why do you have a week?
Man: Listen Buster! In Reykyavik it is dark for eight months
of the year, and it's cold enough to freeze your wrists off and there's only
golly fish to eat. Administrative errors are bound to occur in enormous
quantities. Look at this - it's all a mistake. It's a real pain in the
sphincter! Icelandic HoneyWeek? My Life!
Mother: Well why do you come in here trying to flog the
stuff, then?
Man: Listen Cowboy. I got a job to do. It's a stupid,
pointless job but at least it keeps me away from Iceland, all right? The leg of
the worker bee has... (They slam the door on him. Someone rather like
Jeremy Thorpe looks round the door and waves as they do so.)
Homily Parishioners, America has made the best choice
possible under the reduced circumstances it finds itself in. However, the overall situation of our world
is still considerably sub optimal. I
thought rather than get too giddy about election results it would be more appropriate
to examine what is going on in some other countries.
Starting in
Bangladesh, as America gains a new leader, the current leader of Bangladesh is
driven from their country (https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/bangladesh-leader-flees-country-helicopter-protesters-storm-parliament). Meanwhile, in Turkey, while their prime
minister/dictator remains in power, their government appears to be teetering on
the edge of collapse (https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/watch-bloody-brawl-turkeys-parliament-left-lawmakers-injured-even-women-were-punched). The
stresses around the world are truly pushing all governments, both elected and not
so much.
Even in China,
while Winnie the Pooh of course is still the faultless/flawless leader, but
their economic collapse continues apace.
In fact while they continue to try and stimulate their way out of their
collapse, their economic failure has grown so large that nothing seems to help
(https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/china-verge-welfare-state-crumbles-explosion-social-unrest-youth-unemployment-soars-strikes).
The powerlessness of the Chinese government in the face of their
economic maelstrom is now allowing issues outside of China as well. Myanmar now has rebels blowing up the Chinese
consulate, an event unheard off just a few years ago (https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/chinese-consulate-myanmar-bombed-rebels-take-control-hub-rare-earth-minerals). The
event in Myanmar is even more significant when it is remembered that Myanmar is
a key supplier of rare earth minerals, a commodity that China has worked to corner
the market on, so this is an important country for Chinese interests!
I would be remiss
to not point out that America has plenty of strains regardless of the election
results. It would be easy to refer to
the Antifa fools (who act EXACTLY like what they decry), but instead I will
point out a rising trend from around America, imbeciles driving like cretins
destroying property, the peace and lives with their infantile actions (https://6abc.com/post/philadelphia-police-respond-illegal-car-meetups-city/15339080/). In this case it is Philadelphia, but
such clown car behavior takes lace all across America, I believe because of a
simple lack of care or concern for their fellow human beings.
Amen
Please
join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn
Us” second verse.
Oh Please don’t lightly poach us, Or Baste us with hot
fat,
Don’t fricassee or roast us, Or boil us in
a vat,
And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord, In a
Rotissomat.
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