Week Five of Pythonalia

 

All are Welcome to rejoice and enjoy our fifth week of Pythonalia.  Pythonalia is the six week (in honor of the six holy prophets) celebration of our religion's rich history and impact on civilization.  

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that gripping rendition it was a heart warming call to action.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 8 page 104 where the prophets say… 

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Praline: (pause)I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Please open your hymnal to page 4 and join us in singing “The Lumberjack Song verses 2 and 3”. 

I cut down trees, I skip and jump,  I like to press wild flowers
I put on women's clothing,  And hang around in bars 

(Repeat with “he” in place of “I”)

I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night, and I work all day  (repeat with “he” in place of “I”)

I cut down trees, I wear high heels,  Suspenders and a bra
I wish I were a girlie,  Just like my dear papa

 

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 41 page 275 where the prophets say …

(Cut to a polite, well dressed assistant at a counter with a big sign saying 'End of Show Department' behind him.)

Assistant (Terry Jones): Well it is one of our cheapest, sir.

Chris (Eric Idle): What else have you got?

Assistant: Well, there's the long slow pull-out, sir, you know, the camera tracks back and back and mixes...

(As he speaks we pull out and mix through to the exterior of the store. Mix through to even wider zoom ending up in aerial view of London. It stops abruptly and we cut back to Chris.)

Chris: No, have you got anything more exciting?

Assistant: How about a chase?

(The manager and the toupee assistants suddenly, appear at a door.)

Manager: There he is!

(Exciting chase music. They pursue Chris out of the hall and into another part of the store. Then cut back to Chris at counter.)

Chris: Oh, no, no, no.

Assistant: Walking into the sunset?

Homily  Parishioners, the ongoing catastrophe that is the Wind Turbine obsession of the Environmental Nazis just roars on.  Lately there have been a spate of articles investigating the effects of these animal apocalypse generating eyesores.  As a reminder here is an example of the recent findings (https://jasonendfield.medium.com/latest-uk-data-reveals-5000-dead-whales-dolphins-and-porpoises-in-just-5-years-f21ec1b98971).  One must wonder how many of these poor intelligent and beautiful creatures must die for human hubris. 

Making the story all the more depressing, due to the numbers of dead cetaceans, scientists are slowly beginning to work on the problem and even more slowly being able to publish their findings.  It turns out that at least one of the problems these human engines of destruction cause is to blind the poor creatures by deafening them as the pylons for the contraptions are emplaced (https://joannenova.com.au/2024/10/the-mystery-of-a-thousand-dead-whales-and-dolphins/).  The results of man’s folly is to leave the poor creatures wandering blindly until they accidentally beach themselves and die! 

The only slight positive in this all too true horror story is that at least some legacy media types are beginning to spread the scope of the catastrophe through their broader reach (https://wattsupwiththat.com/2024/10/26/boem-finally-acknowledges-the-harm-caused-by-offshore-wind-farms/).  So as Greta continues to rage about climate change at least some people are starting to see the plight of the whales.  Lets hope the word spreads faster and something is done to stop the construction of these death dealing windmills.  Too bad we lack someone to outright slay them like a functional Don Quixote! 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.