The Eighteenth And Final Week of Ordinary Time

Welcome to the Eighteenth week of Ordinary Time.

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that Aggressive rendition of our processional it puts me in a mood for aggression.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 16 page 218 where the prophets say …

Dr Cream	Ah, come in. Now what seems to be the matter?
Boniface	I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu.
	Repeat same clip from Boniface entering.
Dr Cream	Ah, come in. Now what seems to be the matter?
Boniface	I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu..
	Repeat clip again. SUPERIMPOSED CREDITS
Dr Cream	Ah, come in. Now what seems to be the matter?
Boniface	I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu..

Open your hymnal to page 23 and join us in singing “Lumber Jack Song” verse 2

And there will be showers sometimes heavy in many,  Oh sod it, I didn't wanna do this
I don't wanna be a weather forecaster,  I don't wanna rabbit on all day about sunny periods
And patches of rain spritting from the west,  I wanted to be
A lumberjack!,  Leaping from tree to tree

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 26 page 30 where the prophets say …

First Miner	Don't you talk to me like that, you lying bastard.
	He hits the second miner and a fight starts.
Second Miner	You bleeding pig. You're not fit to be down a mine.
First Miner	Typical bleeding Rhondda, isn't it. You think you're so bloody clever.
	They writhe around on the floor pummelling each other. The foreman comes in.
Foreman	You bloody fighting again. Break it up or I'll put this pick through your head. Now what's it all about?
First Miner	He started it.
Second Miner	Oh, you bleeding pig, you started it.
Foreman	I don't care who bloody started it. What's it about?
Second Miner	Well ... he said the bloody Treaty of Utrecht was 1713.
First Miner	So it bloody is.
Second Miner	No it bloody isn't. It wasn't ratified 'til February 1714.
First Miner	He's bluffing. You're mind's gone, Jenkins. You're rubbish.
Foreman	He's right, Jenkins. It was ratified September 1713. The whole bloody pit knows that. Look in Trevelyan, page 468.
Third Miner	He's thinking of the Treaty of bloody Westphalia.
Second Miner	Are you saying I don't know the difference between the War of the bloody Spanish Succession and the Thirty bloody Years War?
Third Miner	You don't know the difference between the Battle of Borodino and a tiger's bum.

Homily  Parishioners, this week further news broke showing that the predicted climate apocalypse is “not quite” as bad as claimed.  First, and in the best sort of news, it turns out that Bill the Gates has NOT been funding his climate work himself, it seems that he has been grifting the American people for the upkeep.  With President Trump defunding all of that suddenly Bill is laying off staff (https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2025-03-12/bill-gates-climate-group-lays-off-us-and-europe-policy-teams).  You would think that a man with that much money could afford to float his “dream” himself, but apparently not, or maybe it is not “THAT” important to him after all?

Next, it turns out that in order to “properly” prepare for the COP 30 summit in Belem Brazil, it proved needful to build an 8 mile long 4 lane expressway through the rainforest ti connect the airport where the attendees will each fly in on their private jets and then drive their armored and air conditioned SUV’s to the conference site on this new road (https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c9vy191rgn1o).  But do not fret my fellow “normalings” our would be “Planet Lords” are also going to have “animal overpasses” built so that the local fauna (who can climb) can safely pass from one side of the expressway to the other, providing of course that they learn to read so that they know of the safe crossing.  So COP 30 will literally Pave Paradise to connect to the parking lot! 

Finally, in some truly Great News it turns out that Indian and Pacific Ocean Islands are in better shape then we have been led to believe.  Based on a 2018 study, long delayed due to the Pandemic, 88% of all Islands in the Indian/Pacific Oceans are either stable in size, or actually growing (https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-018-02954-1)!  So perhaps we can finally put to rest once and for all the nonsense of Al Gore’s “Inconvenient truth” and replace it with some ACTUAL TRUTH! 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.