The First Week Of Pythonalia Honoraria
Welcome to the
first week of our SUPER time, “Pythonalia Honoraria” where we will spend four
weeks celebrating the four Honorary Pythons. This week, week one, we
will start with Ian MacNaughton, famed director of most of the tele episodes
and the Pythons first feature length movie.
Please
open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional “O Lord
Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1
O LORD, please don’t burn us, Don’t grill or
toast your flock,
Don’t put us on the barbecue, Or simmer us in stock,
Don’t braise or bake or boil us, Or stir fry us in a
wok.
Thank you for
the somber rendition of our Processional, we will be looking at a new problem
with illegals “in country”, so the appropriate music is always important for
the proper tone.
Now please
open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 16 page 218 where the prophets
say …
|
First Hermit |
Still
there's one thing about being a hermit, at least you meet people. |
|
Second
Hermit |
Oh yes, I
wouldn't go back to public relations. |
|
First Hermit |
Oh well, bye
for now Frank, must toddle. |
|
Colonel |
(coming on) Right,
you two hermits, stop that sketch. I think it's silly. |
|
Second
Hermit |
What? |
|
Colonel |
It's silly. |
|
Second
Hermit |
What do you
mean, you can't stop it - it's on film. |
|
Colonel |
That doesn't
make any difference to the viewer at home, does it? Come on, get out. Out.
Come on out, all of you. Get off, go on, all of you. Go on, move, move. Go
on, get out. Come on, get out, move, move. |
|
He shoos
them and the film crew off the hillside. |
Dennis Moore, Dennis
Moore, Galloping through the sward
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, And his horse Concorde
He steals from the rich, And gives to the poor
Mr. Moore, Mr. Moore, Mr. Moore
Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 26 page 30
where the prophets say … Dennis Moore
|
Voice Over |
Our first contestant is a hairdresser from... |
|
A shot rings out and the contestant falls to the floor.
Applause. |
|
|
Highwayman |
I never did like that kind of person... ! |
|
A shot rings out. He dies. Cut to Dennis Moore on a
horse blowing smoke from gun and putting it in his holster. He gallops off.
We see him swooping down, after a couple of riding shots, on another
stagecoach. |
|
|
Moore |
Halt! Halt! (the stage comes to a halt and the
occupants get out rapidly, their hands held high) Gentlemen, ladies,
bring out your valuables please. Come along sir, come along. Come along,
madam, come along. Oh, is that all you've got ... well, he's got much more
than you ... so you'd better have some of his ... (transfers money
from one passenger to another, dropping some)... sorry... pick them up in
a moment... there's about oh, what, nine down there... so you must have
about... oh, he's still got lots... oh you've got what? ... you've got more
than he started with... so if I give you some of those (transferring
more coins) ... well now, look ... have you got a bit of jewellery?
If I give you that one and you have some of his coins (the credits
start, superimposed) ... is that another box? Were you trying to
hide it? Well, that's nice! Right! Now. I've got a tiara ... you've got
one... you've got one of the boxes... you've got one... anyone else got a
tiara? Take your hat off! (passenger does so to reveal a tiara)...
Oh, honestly, it's absolutely pointless trying to do this if you're going to
cheat. It really is awful of you;.. (fade out) |
Homily Parishioners, as we start Pythonalia
Honoraria, our yearly remembrance of those who assisted the prophets in their transmission
of the faith I thought it apropos to take a varied look at the constant menace
of “migrants” in our midst. Rather than
dwell on the usual sort of thing like an outbreak of Dysentery at the Mecca for
Migrants Portland OR (https://www.koin.com/news/oregon/dysentery-cases-rise-in-portland-metro-area-health-department-reports/), I thought I would examine the Migrants fascination
with trains.
Here in America,
our “South of the Border” migrants show a predictable fascination with trains –
they like to rob them (https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2025-02-23/freight-train-heists-targeting-nike-merchandise-are-probed-as-related)! Naturally
these “desperados” tend to get caught and when that happens the inevitably turn
out to be part of some cartel or another and it is all past of some larger
criminal enterprise. The focus on trains
is interesting though as “migrants” in other lands also enjoy trains, but for a
different crime.
A recent study
showed that in France 63% of all sexual assaults on trains in France are perpetrated
by “immigrants” (https://rmx.news/article/france-63-of-those-arrested-for-sexual-assault-and-92-for-petty-theft-in-public-transport-were-foreigners/). I
was unaware that France had so many sexual assaults going on that they kept
sperate stats on WHERE the sexual assault takes place, but be that as it may,
for all of France’s vaunted “public transportation”, it looks like it may be only
safe for men these days.
Lest me think that
this is just some “transitory event”, or oversexed “French problem”, it turns
out that a similar study was done in Germany where it was discovered that 59%
of all sex crimes in trains and train stations were made by “immigrants” (https://rmx.news/article/germany-foreigners-commit-59-of-all-sexual-crimes-in-trains-and-train-stations-sexual-crimes-double-since-2019/).
Once again leaving aside the fact that there are so many sexual assaults
in Germany that they also feel the need to break down where they are happening,
The vast majority of these sexual assaults are once again being perpetrated by “immigrants”. Perhaps the French and German governments
will rename their “Public Transportation” system in honor of the reality for their
honest ridership? May I suggest “Pubic
Transportation” so as to remind anyone who uses it what they can expect?
Amen
Please
join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn
Us” second verse.
Oh Please don’t lightly poach us, Or Baste us with hot
fat,
Don’t fricassee or roast us, Or boil us in
a vat,
And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord, In a
Rotissomat.
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