Week One of Pythonalia

 

All are Welcome to rejoice and enjoy our first week of Pythonalia.  Pythonalia is the six week (in honor of the six holy prophets) celebration of our religion's rich history and impact on civilization.  

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that joyful rendition I know the two now departed prophets heard and enjoyed your voices raised in praise.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 5 page 60 where the prophets say: 

(We see a young man playing chess with another young man. They are in an ordinary flat. There is a tremendous battering, banging, hammering and clattering at the door.)
Young Man (Eric Idle): Door's open.
Policeman (Graham Chapman): Oh. Yes. (he enters) All right. All right, all right, all right. My name's Police Constable Henry Thatcher, and this is a raid. I have reason to believe that there are certain substances on the premises.
Young Man: Well what sort of substances officer?
Policeman: Er... certain substances.
Young Man: Well, what sort of certain substances?
Policeman: Er, certain substances of an illicit nature.
Young Man: Er, could you be more specific?
Policeman: I beg your pardon?

Please open your hymnal to page 7 and join us in singing “The Ferret Song” Verse 2

I've got a ferret sticking up my nose,  (It starts singing when he wears his formal clothes)

I can almost stand the noise,  But at parties it destroys My hard-earned and carefully cultivated social poise

I've got a ferret sticking up my nose,  (Worst of all it constantly explodes),  Ferrets don't explode you say,  But it happened nine times yesterday
And I should know for each time I was standing in the way,  I've got a ferret sticking up my nose,  (He's got a ferret sticking up his nose)
How it got there I can't tell,  But now it's there it hurts like hell,  And what's more it radically affects my sense of smell

 

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 32 page 126 where the prophets say …

Policeman: I think the domed helmet wins every time over the flattened job, you know, even when they're three cornered ... (suddenly his eyes light on two office secretaries opening their packed lunch on a nearby seat) ... you want something to eat?

Reporter: (sensing what's going to happen, hurriedly) Well no, er really ...

Policeman: (approaching the girls and getting out his notebook) Hang on. You can't park here you know.

Women: (bewildered) We're not parked!

Policeman: No parked! What's that then?

Women: That's our lunch.

Policeman: Right. I'm taking that in for forensic examination.

Women: Why?

Policeman: Because it might have been used as a murder weapon, that's why! (the girls look at each other; the policeman grabs their lunch) Yeah, not bad. Could be worse. (to the reporter) Beer?

Reporter: (desperately) No, no, please ... honestly ... please ...

(The policeman walks off. There is a crash of breaking glass. An alarm bell starts to ring. The reporter winces. The policeman walks into shot again, holding two bottles of beer. He sits down, opens the beers with his teeth and hands one to reporter who is very embarrassed.)

Policeman: Now, the Chaldeans, who used to inhabit the area in between the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, their helmets were of the modular restrained kind of type ...

Homily Parishioners, recently we have seen some signs of a return to Americans believing in their country so I thought that would be a great topic to start our new liturgical year.  Although I disagree with what they are actually doing, in that rare moment (like the fact that a broken clock tells the correct time twice a day), some democrats are actually doing something stupid, that I agree with.  It turns out that Adam “Collusion Leaks” Schiff, and Tim “Lactite” Kaine have sponsored a bill to protect Venezuelan narco-terrorists (https://www.schiff.senate.gov/news/press-releases/news-sens-schiff-kaine-to-force-vote-blocking-unauthorized-boat-strikes-in-caribbean/).  I have no real problem with narco-terrorists getting blown up by the U.S. Military, but the two useless idiots in the Senate do have a point, the U.S. has no business policing the world (starting hostilities) without a congressional declaration of war. 

In a second recent story from CBS, as president Trump was about to speak to the U.N. General Assembly, the Secret Service exposed and foiled an attempted Denial of Services attack on New York City and the U.N. (https://www.cbsnews.com/news/u-s-secret-service-disrupts-telecom-network-threatened-new-york-city-u-n-general-assembly/).  Apparently a disturbing alliance of foreign governments and domestic criminals were responsible for this attempt and at least the domestic traitors should face some serious prison time.  Hopefully the foreigners will also be brought to justice.  According to one report, the primary nation behind this site was China and its Ministry of State Security (https://www.theblaze.com/news/exclusive-china-behind-massive-nationwide-sim-farm-network-that-directly-threatens-american-critical-infrastructure?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=dlvr.it_x_theblaze&tpcc=social_x-post).  The same report claims that the Chinese have hundreds of these sites set up around the world.  Most importantly a group which so patently failed last summer, The Secret Service, has already been revitalized and is functioning well now. 

Finally, to listen to the media one would think that I.C.E., Immigration and Customs Enforcement, was universally reviled by all Americans.  However, recently I.C.E. posted to hire 10,000 new agents.  The department received more than 150,000 applicants (https://www.dhs.gov/news/2025/09/16/ice-receives-more-150000-applications-join-ice-law-enforcement-help-remove-worst)!  Apparently, I.C.E. specifically and the Trump Administration in general seems to be more popular with the public than the media lets on. 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.