The Sixteenth Week of Ordinary Time

 

Welcome to the sixteenth week of Ordinary Time.

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

I do hope you have all been enjoying the string of unseasonably warm days we have been having.  I know I have.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 10 page 130 where the prophets say …

Chairman	Yes, well, that seems to me to be very sensible Mr Phipps. I can't pretend that this library hasn't had its difficulties ... Mr Robertson, your predecessor, an excellent librarian, savaged three people last week and had to be destroyed.
Gorilla	I'm sorry sir.
Chairman	Oh, no, don't be sorry. You see, I don't believe that libraries should be drab places where people sit in silence, and that's been the main reason for our policy of employing wild animals as librarians.
Vicar	And also, they're much more permissive. Pumas keep Hank Janson on open shelves...
Chairman	Yes. Yes. Yes. (a maniacal look in his eyes) Yes, yes Mr Phipps. I love seeing the customers when they come in to complain about some book being damaged, and ask to see the chief librarian and then ... you should see their faces when the proud beast leaps from his tiny office, snatches the book from their hands and sinks his fangs into their soft er ... (collects himself) Mr Phipps ... Kong! You can be our next librarian - you're proud, majestic and fierce enough ... will you do it?
Gorilla	I ... don't think I can sir.
Vicar	Why not?
Gorilla	I.. I'm not really a gorilla.
Vicar	Eh?
Gorilla	I'm a librarian in a skin.
Chairman	Why this deception?
Gorilla	Well, they said it was the best way to get the job.
Chairman	Get out, Mr Librarian Phipps, seeing as you're not a gorilla, but only dressed up as one, trying to deceive us in order to further your career ... (gorilla leaves) Next. (a dog comes in) Ah. Mr Pattinson ... Sit!

Open the Blue insert in your hymnal page K and join us in singing “Knights of the Round Table” verse 1

We're Knights of the Round Table,  We dance when ere we're able
We do routines and chorus scenes,  With footwork impeccable

We dine well here in Camelot,  We eat ham and jam and spam a lot

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 28 page 70 where the prophets say …

Nazi Fish	Welcome aboard, Britisher pig. Quite a little surprise, ja? But perhaps you would be so kind as to tell us all you know about certain allied shipping routes, ja? Come on, talk!
	The Nazi fish is swallowed by a fish with an RAF emblem.
British Fish	Hello, Fritz. Tables seem to have turned, old chap, let's see how you like a bit of your own medicine, eh? Come on, Fritz, now tell us - tell us about...
	The British fish is swallowed by a Chinese fish.
Chinese Fish	Ah, gleetings, capitalist dog; very sorry but must inform you, you are now prisoner of People's Republic.
Second Voice	Am very sorry, comrade commando, but we have just picked up capitalist ship on ladar scanner.
	The Chinese fish bites the underside of a large ship. Film of big liner sinking in storm. General panic and dramatic music.

 

Homily  Well Parishioners, as the “Wokerati” persist in their incompetent drive toward “D.E.I.”.  Some of the recent ideas floated (and sunk) to work toward this goal included Lowering the standards and aptitude requirements for joining the U.S. military, because the D.E.I. drive has killed recruiting (https://www.zerohedge.com/political/struggling-recruits-us-navy-lowers-education-standard).  I am quite certain that lowering the requirements for the sailors who manage the Nuclear program poses no problems at all – RIGHT?

Meanwhile the (mis)management at supposed charity OXFAM has them wasting money lecturing their workers on terminology usage instead of helping the poor (https://www.zerohedge.com/political/oxfam-inclusivity-guid because everyone gets the day off e-tells-staff-avoid-using-offensive-words-mother-people-and).  I am sure that the starving poor appreciate the sensitivity to pronouns instead of a focus on delivering food! 

However, recently D.E.I. seems to be recalibrating into “D.I.E.” through some extremely dangerous moves.  For example Canada’s “Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons” recently decided to change the focus of its training on to “Anti Oppression & Racism as well as Social Justice” instead of so called “Medical Expertise” (https://donoharmmedicine.org/2023/12/04/stop-canadas-plan-to-corrupt-medicine/)!  I am sure that their patients will appreciate the “improved” standard of care.  I am sure Hippocrates would approve. 

Finally, in what may be the ultimate “D.I.E.” experiment in the name of “D.I.E.” Pete “Buttcheech” wants to hire people who are: “deaf, blind, have severe intellectual and/or Psychiatric Disability” as AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS (https://www.faa.gov/pwdp)!  Remember it is all about giving everyone an “opportunity”.  So now you have the opportunity to avoid medical care in Canada and avoid flying in America.  Remember they are the “friendly skies” afterall. 

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.