The first week of Silly Time

 

Welcome to the First Week of “Silly Time”, The six week period between when the gifts of the prophets were bestowed upon Britain and when the same gifts were poured out upon the colonies.  This is a time of solemn introspection and reflection on our lives and their direction. 

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you for that Joyous rendition of the Processional, it warmed my heart as I walked to the pulpit and fits perfectly with this week’s “Good News” Homily.  Now please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode13 page 176 where the prophets say …

Surgeon  Brr brr (picks up phone) No, no wrong number I’m a colleague of his, a surgeon, who specializes in these kind of things.  Yes thank you very much.  (replaces phone).  Next please.  Come in.  Ah come in, please take a seat.  My colleague who has a similar office has explained your case to mif you’ll just step through here I’ll slit you up a treat.  Mr. Notlob, as you know I am a leading Harley Street surgeon as seen on television.  I’m afraid I’m going to have to operate.  It’s nothing to worry about although it is extremely dangerous.  I shall be juggling with your life, I shall be playing ducks and drakes with your very existence, I shall be running me mits over the pith of your marrow.  Yea!  These hands, these fingers, these sophisticated organs of touch, these bunches of five, these maulers, these German bands that have pulled many a moribund unfortunate back from the very brink of Lazarus’s box.  No, it was Pandora’s box wasn’t it?  Well anyway these mits have earned yours truly a lot of bread. 

Notlob   What?

Surgeon   Mr Notlob, there’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.    

Please open your hymnal to page 16 and join us in singing “Bing Tidde Tiddle Bong”. 

Bing Tiddle Tiddle Bang,    Bung Tiddle Tiddle Bang,

Bung Tiddle Tiddle Tiddle Tiddle Tiddle,

Bung Tiddle Tiddle Bong,    Bung Tiddle Tiddle Bing,

Bung Tiddle Tiddle Bang,

Bing Tiddle Tiddle,    Bang Tiddle Tiddle,    Bong Tiddle Tiddle,

Bing Tiddley Ding Ding Bang Bong.

Please recite with me from memory the birth scene from Monty Python’s “The Meaning of Life”…

Obstetrician 1: Get the EEG, the BP monitor, and the AVV.

Obstetrician 2: And get the machine that goes 'ping!'.

Obstetrician 1: And get the most expensive machine - in case the Administrator comes.

Patient: What do I do?

Obstetrician: Nothing, dear, you're not qualified.

Hospital Administrator: Ah, I see you have the machine that goes 'ping!'. This is my favourite. You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to - that way it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account.

[The doctors and onlookers applaud.]

Hospital Administrator: Thank you, thank you. We try to do our best. Well, do carry on.

[As the doctors drop the baby into an incubator, the mother looks up.]

Patient: Is it a boy or a girl?

Obstetrician: Now, I think it's a little early to start imposing roles on it, don't you? Now, a word of advice. You may find that you suffer for some time a totally irrational feeling of depression. PND is what we doctors call it. So it's lots of happy pills for you, and you can find out all about the birth when you get home. It's available on Betamax, VHS, and Super 8.

Homily Parishioners, this week we have received a considerable amount of VERY good news about human health issues, so I was very pleased to dedicate this Homily to ensuring that all of you were aware of these positive medical developments. 

First off, the gift that keeps on giving, COVID 19, in particular its “COVID Lung” had a major announcement recently.  Namely researchers announced that the condition stabilizes and even heals over time (https://pubs.rsna.org/doi/10.1148/radiol.243374).  Truly great news for everyone suffering over the entire planet. 

Next up an extremely promising treatment option has been brought to light for one of the deadliest forms of cancer, namely pancreatic cancer.  Researchers discovered that stevia leaf, fermented with specific probiotics kills pancreatic cancer cells and leaves surrounding tissue unharmed (https://www.mdpi.com/1422-0067/26/9/4186)!  Once again, people afflicted around the world can now be helped by what is basically an all natural treatment.  For even more information here is a link to the press release for the research (https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/1091699).  Who knew “a spoonful of alternative sugar” could take the place of the conventional medicine in this case? 

Finally, in magnificent news for a subject we really do not even understand the full ramifications of yet, scientists have determined that naturally occurring bacteria in the human “gut” are capable of absorbing “pfas” out of the human body/system (https://www.nature.com/articles/s41564-025-02032-5). I guess there really is no end of benefits from having a healthy “gut” biome.  So everyone be sure to keep the kefir and yogurt flowing into your digestive tract to have the best possible biome for those wonderful little critters.  

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.