The Sixteenth Week of Extra Ordinary Time

 

Welcome to the Sixteenth Week of Extra Ordinary Time. 

Please open your Hymnal to page 3 and join in our processional  “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” Verse 1

O LORD, please don’t burn us,   Don’t grill or toast your flock,

Don’t put us on the barbecue,  Or simmer us in stock,

Don’t braise or bake or boil us,  Or stir fry us in a wok. 

Thank you, it is good to hear you are in such high spirits, the prophets approve of your “outlook” on life.  

 Please open The Holy Text volume 1 to episode 23 page 317 where the prophets say …

Praline	Excuse me, I would like to buy a fish license, please. (the man behind the counter points to next grille; to camera) The man's sign must be wrong. I have in the past noticed a marked discrepancy between these post office signs and the activities carried on beneath. But soft, let us see how Dame Fortune smiles upon my next postal adventure! (he goes to next grille) Hello, I would like to buy a fish licence, please.
Man	A what?
Praline	A license for my pet fish, Eric.
Man	How did you know my name was Eric?
Praline	No no no, my fish's name is Eric, Eric the fish. 'E's an 'alibut.
Man	A what?
Praline	He is an halibut.
Man	You've got a pet halibut?
Praline	Yes. I chose him out of thousands. I didn't like the others, they were all too flat.
Man	You must be a loony.
Praline	I am not a looney! Why should I be tied with the epithet looney merely because I have a pet halibut? I've heard tell that Sir Gerald Nabardo has a pet prawn called Simon and you wouldn't call him a looney; furthermore, Dawn Pailthorpe, the lady show-jumper, had a clam, called Stafford, after the late Chancellor, Allan Bullock has two pikes, both called Chris, and Marcel Proust had an haddock! So, if you're calling the author of 'A la recherche du temps perdu' a looney, I shall have to ask you to step outside!

Open your hymnal to page 32 and join us in singing “A Medical love song” verse 3

My heart is very tender,  Though my parts are awful raw
You might have been infected,  But you never were a bore
I'm dying of your love, my love,  I'm your spirochaetal clown
I've left my body to science,  But I'm afraid they've turned it down

Now please open The Holy Text volume 2 to episode 38 page 227 where the prophets say …

Continuity Voice	Tomorrow night comedy returns to BBC TV with a new series of half-hour situation comedies for you to spot the winners. Ronnie Thompson stars in 'Dad's Doctor'... (cut to a doctor with no trousers)
	SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'DAD'S DOCTOR'
Continuity Voice	... the daffy exploits of the RAMC training school. He's in charge of a group of mad medicos, and when they run wild it's titty jokes galore. (medical students run past him waving bras) Newcomer Veronica Papp plays the girl with the large breasts. (a young lady runs past wearing only briefs)

Homily Parishioners, unfortunately this week I must update you on the continued purge of humanity known as the “Robopocalypse” that some seem intent on bringing on.  To start with, in what can only be described as “computer nerds” attempting to emulate the Terminator movies with some deranged notion that things will work out better in real life than that story line, (mad) scientists are creating “biological computers” (https://www.zerohedge.com/technology/meet-dystopian-startups-making-biological-computers-human-cells).  And there you have it folks, the real “Cyberdyne” begins!  How is it that these idiots never pay attention to Jurassic Park and ask “should” they do it? 

On the more mundane front of this horror story the Chines have now built a robot that knows how to change its own batteries (https://www.scmp.com/economy/china-economy/article/3318756/china-unveils-worlds-first-humanoid-robot-changes-its-own-batteries?module=perpetual_scroll_0&pgtype=article).  That crushes the notion that denying them power could be used as a method of opposing the roborevolution. 

Finally, once again the Chinese have developed a robot that can do cartwheels and “fist fight” as well (https://www.ndtv.com/offbeat/rivalling-elon-musks-optimus-robot-china-unveils-rs-5-lakh-bot-that-can-fist-fight-8960824)!   I guess whatever slim chance the martial arts people had against the robots is now gone, but at least this particular robot is only 3 feet tall, so at these proportions we will have a size/strength advantage of the robot.  However, I am sure that it can be scaled up easily enough.  The way artists dream up some horror of the future and then tech weasels and scientists take it as a challenge to see if they can bring it to fruition, I wonder if our species has a “death wish” and are simply maximizing our options to fulfill that wish!   

Amen

Please join us in our recessional on page 3 of your hymnal “O Lord Please Don’t Burn Us” second verse. 

Oh Please don’t lightly poach us,  Or Baste us with hot fat,

Don’t fricassee or roast us,    Or boil us in a vat,

And please don’t stick thy servants, Lord,  In a Rotissomat.